


The Loft

by jennifer044



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 02:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12267357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennifer044/pseuds/jennifer044
Summary: This story has been in my head since I first started watching the show.  The chemistry between Jim C. and Kevin C. is great.  All of the stories I have read about these two have John in total control with Lionel being submissive.  In this story they are in a realtonship and they each have equal value.  John is a little bit goofy in parts of this story, but when you are in love I figure even super spys can be goofy.  I loved writing this story.  It reignited my love of writing.





	The Loft

LIONEL AND JOHNS STORY #1

“The Loft”

  


“Little help partner.” Detective Lionel Fusco said in a strained voice. A trickle of sweat ran down the side of his face. Lionel currently had a 9mm pointed at his skull.

“Relax Lionel.” His partner John Riley said to him. He was standing in front of Lionel trying to pacify the bad guy.

The bad guy pushed his gun harder into Lionels head and said “Everybody stay back!!”

“OWWWWWW, that hurt” Lionel said.

John smirked at Lionel and said “Would I let anything happen to you Fusco?”

“I don’t know are you still pissed about that pole comment?” Lionel asked.

John frowned at him and said “Thanks for reminding me about that Lionel!” It was at this point that a completely random event happened.

“Did someone here order a pizza from Saul’s.” The pizza boy asked as he walked through the precinct doors. All eyes were momentarily on the pizza boy, including the bad guys. John immediately threw a coffee mug at the bad guys forehead. Lionel jabbed his elbow into the bad guys stomach. The guy fell over holding his stomach and head. Lionel saw what was thrown at the bad guys head.

He turned to John and said “You jackass, that was my favorite coffee mug.”

  


  


CHAPTER 1

Lionel sat at his desk angrily. He was angry at John. He could still hear Johns voice in his head mocking him “ _You are a hero, good job Lionel!”_ Lionel did not shoot Dominic. He sure as hell did not kill him. He did not want to be called a hero, for killing a so called bad guy. It reminded Lionel too much of the man that he use to be. Lionel swore to himself that he would never be that man again. Lionel was brought out of his morbid thoughts by his phone ringing.

“Fusco” Lionel said answering his cell

“Lionel” John said in his deep voice. Lionel rolled his eyes.

“What do you need Riley?” Lionel said while smirking. He knew John hated it when Lionel called him Riley. Apparently, wonder boy hated being called Riley instead of Reese.

There was a pause and then John said “I need to apologize.”

Lionel looked at his cell phone for a minute and then said “Who are you and what have you done with my partner?”

“Fuck you Fusco.” John said laughing.

“I really was not trying to upset you earlier. I did not mean to belittle you.”

Lionel took a deep breath and said “I know. I am just being overly sensitive, I don't want to be considered a hero for taking a life, even if they are a bad guy. It just reminds me too much of the man I was when I first met you. I don't ever want to be that man again.” Lionel could not believe he had just told John what was in his head.

John was quiet for a moment and said “I understand Lionel and I am sorry.”

“Stop being so nice. You are freaking me out.” Lionel said. Lionel never saw the smile that was on Johns face at the other end of the line.

  


CHAPTER 2

John and Lionel were at their desks finishing up paperwork on their latest case. John got bored and stopped his work to momentarily look at Iris's office. Iris had gone into private practice. John had helped her move her stuff out of the office. The two were still seeing each other, although John was beginning to have second thoughts on that subject.

Lionel saw John staring at Iris's office. He had liked her right up until he found out that she and John were seeing each other. Lionel did not believe therapist and their clients should be involved together under any circumstances. Lionel looked at John for a moment and got back to work.

“Hey Riley, do you know the name of our new shrink.” A random voice asked John.

“I don’t know her name” John said.

A voice from behind them said “Captain Moreno told me her name, Dr. Laura Summer.” Lionel went pale. He was bombarded with memories of the past. He was thrown back into a time he had tried his whole life to forget. Lionel jumped out of his chair and threw up in the closest trash can.

“Lionel?” John said.

He walked over to Fusco and said “You all right?”

Lionel looked at John and said “I am fine, Just something I ate.” John pulled his handkerchief out and handed it to Lionel.

“Thanks partner.” Lionel said. The two men turned at the sound of high heel shoes clacking on the floor. Someone let out a whistle of appreciation at the first sight of Dr. Laura Summer. She was the epitome of a blond hair, blue eyed beauty. She had long blond hair down her back and dark blue-green eyes. Her flawless skin made her look like a girl in her twenties instead of a woman in her fifties. To Lionel Fusco she looked the same way she did when he knew her years ago. He also thought she looked good if her head would exploded into a million pieces.

Lionel and John sat at there desk as Laura Summer walked into the precinct. She talked quietly with some of the men while Fusco avoided any acknowledgment of her at all. John noticed Lionels avoidance.

Laura stopped by John and Lionels desk and said “Lionel is that you?” She was staring at him intently.

“It's me Laura.” Lionel said, but he did not smile. She went to hug him, Lionel sat down at his desk and instead shook her hand.

“Good to see you again.” Lionel said. John frowned at his partners odd behavior.

Laura turned her smile to John and said “I am Dr. Laura Summer. New therapist for the precinct.”

“Nice to meet you, I am John Riley Lionels partner.” She gave John a long look with her best smile. John knew the look well. Women had looked at him like that all his life, but never while he was surrounded by a roomful of other men. John was very uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat and said “How do you and Lionel know each other?”

Lionel smirked at John and said “We use to Fuck a lot.” Johns jaw dropped and Laura gave Lionel a go to hell look and walked off angry.

John turned to Lionel and said “What the hell, Fusco. That was rude and totally disrespectful.”

Lionel turned to John and and said “Don't worry about it Riley, she deserves it.” John was surprised by the venom in Lionels voice.

Lionel looked John in the eye and said “Don't ever trust her John, she will destroy you if you do.” John was left wondering what this situation was all about.

  


CHAPTER 3

John walked into the subway, where Bear greeted him excitedly.

“Hey boy” John said as he knelled down to scratch bears ears. He smiled as he saw Root and Harold working on separate computers

“ _My nerds_ ” John thought to himself fondly. They had been working non-stop to rebuild the machine.

“Hello Mr. Reese” Harold said.

John sat down next to Harold and said “Did you catch the exchange between Lionel and that new therapist the dept hired?”

Finch brought up another window and said “Yes I did, I have already begun to do research on her.” John began to read Harolds information.

“Mrs. Summers is a psychiatrist who specializes in the area of adolescent sexuality. She has written several books on the subject and is considered an expert in the field. She does have some ideas that could be considered controversial.” Harold said.

“Like what?” John asked.

“She believes homosexuality in adolescents can be controlled by environment and by doing the type of therapy she calls fantasy-reality.” Harold said. John was very worried now. John did not believe homosexuality was a choice. John believed you are who you are.

John looked at Harold and said “Find out all you can on her Finch.”

  


CHAPTER 4

Lionel sat on his couch in the darkened living room of his apartment. The stereo played a slow tune. It was after 11o'clock but Lionel could not relax and fall asleep. His mind would not shut down. Images of Laura kept popping into his brain. Lionel began to slowly rub his left wrist back and forth with his right thumb. His thumb slowly went back and forth over the vertical slashes. The memories of Laura gave way to the memories of his one and only suicide attempt. There was so much blood. The memories of Lauras soft hands gave way to pain and feelings of shame. Lionel heard a knock on the door and answered it to find his partner standing there.

“Hello Lionel, I thought I saw your light on.” John said.

Lionel rolled his eyes and walked back to his couch saying “Come on in Wonder boy.” John stared at Lionel, he hated seeing the shadows in his eyes. John suddenly stopped short and smiled at Lionel.

“My respect for you just increased 100 fold Lionel, now that I know you are a Smoky Robinson fan.” John said.

Lionel smiled and said “Who isn't?”

John sat down on the couch and stared at Lionel.

“What's up John?” Lionel asked. John thought about what to say for a moment. He thought he could be glib or say something sarcastic, but he did not want to. He was worried about his friend.

“I wanted to check on you Lionel, you seemed upset this afternoon.”

Lionel looked at him and slowly smiled, “I am fine Reese.” Lionel continued to rub his wrist back and forth. John noticed the action.

“How did you know Dr. Summer Lionel? I have never know you to be so disrespectful to a woman before.” John said.

Lionel smirked and said “She was not a woman she is a barracuda in a dress.” Lionel was staring off into space again. He had a lost look on his face.

“I meet Laura when I was 17 and she was 26. She was my therapist and I was her patient. My father made me see her when he suspected I had inappropriate feelings for men. She was suppose to cure me. Dr. Summer believed the best way to do that was to have sex with me, her and others.” Lionel said the last part so low John almost did not catch it. John did hear it and thought he was gonna throw up. John got up and walked over to Lionel and knelled down in front of him. He gently pulled Lionels hands apart. Lionel looked down and for the first time realized he had been rubbing his scars. John turned Lionels hand over and gently kissed the palm. Lionels ears turned red.

  


CHAPTER 5

The next day at the precinct John was busy trying to get caught up on paperwork. John hated paperwork above everything else in the world. John suddenly felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He suddenly smelled her perfume.

“Good afternoon, Detective Riley.” Laura said as she walked over to his desk.

John smiled at her and said “Good afternoon to you Dr.”

Laura smiled and said “We are going to be working together lets not be so formal. Call me Laura.” John was not comfortable with calling her Laura. After what Lionel told him, he did not want to be on a first name basis with this woman.

Laura smiled at John and said “How long have you and Lionel been partners Detective.” The easy way she called Lionel by his first name made John uncomfortable. A feeling suddenly overcame John, it was not unfamiliar. He had felt it before. It took him a moment to remember the feeling. Then he realized it was the same feeling he got every time he was alone with Kara. That feeling where he did not think he would ever be clean again. That feeling told him all he needed to know about this woman.

“Hey Riley, do you have that affidavit from the white shooting?” Lionel asked. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Laura and John talking by his desk.

“Yea, I got it right here.” John said. Lionel walked over sat at his desk and took the papers from John.

“Hello Lionel.” Laura said. Lionel never looked up from his work.

“Hello Laura.” Lionel said while refusing to make eye contact with her.

“I was just having a chat with your partner, he was catching me up on all you have been doing the last few years.” Lionel knew that was a really big lie. John would never tell anyone what they had been up to the last few years. Most of it was illegal.

As if on cue John looked at Laura and said “No I haven't.” Lionel smiled to himself.

Lionel looked at Laura and said “John won't lie for you Laura.”

Laura whispered in Lionels ear “Is he gay like you?” Lionels whole face went red. Lionel stood up at his desk and clinched his fist. He was shaking with rage.

John stepped up to him and said “Calm down Lionel.” The pen Lionel was holding snapped in his hand. Laura smiled at Lionel and walked away.

John looked at Lionel and said “You all right Fusco?”

“I'm fine.” Lionel said as he cleaned the ink from his hands.

“I can't believe I let her get to me like that.” Lionel said. John was worried about his partner.

  


CHAPTER 6

John and Lionel were on their third straight night of a stakeout. They were both bored out of their minds. John turned and stared at Lionel. He had been doing that all night. Lionel had been very quiet all evening.

Lionel finally got sick of John staring at him and said “What are you looking at Riley?”

John smirked at Lionel and said “You are just so quiet tonight Fusco, having a hard time getting use to it.” Lionel continued to stare into nothing. John could not stand seeing him look so sad.

John took a deep breath and said “You have not been the same since Summer hit the precinct.” Lionel tensed at the mention of her name.

John very sincerely said “I don't like seeing you so sad partner.” Lionel smiled and looked at John.

“When I was 17, I did not know who or what I was. I thought I might be gay until my father made it very clear he would not have a gay son. My parents sent me to Laura and told me to talk to her, that I could trust her. I couldn't trust her. Laura brings up memories and emotions of a time in my life I never want to remember.”

John looked at Lionel and said “Let me help you Lionel.”

Lionel smiled at John and very quietly said “O.K. Reese.”

  


  


John walked into the subway station deep in thought. His mind was on Lionel.

“Hey Finch.” John said as he saw Finch at his computer. John was petting Bear when he realized Finch had not answered him. John walked behind Finch to see what he was staring at. He did a double-take to see Dr. Summers office on the monitor.

“Finch, what are you doing? How did you get a camera in her office?” John asked.

“I hacked her laptop and accessed the camera. I felt it was important for us to monitor this woman John.” John felt the same way, but this woman was a therapist who council kids. Kids deserve their privacy respected as much as adults do.

“John please, I value these kids privacy too. There is no sound only picture and that was enough.” Harold said.

“What do you mean?” John asked. Harold typed some keys and brought up another window. Laura was making out with a boy of about 17 or 18.

“FUCK!” John said. John thought back to what Lionel had told him at his apartment and wondered how many boys she had abused. Johns mind flashed back to Lionel rubbing his wrist.

Harold looked at John and said “You told me to start finding out all of the information I could on her. I fear something bad happened between her and Detective Fusco.”

John looked at Harold and said “She was his therapist and the two had an affair. It ended badly.”

“Did Lionel tell you that?” Harold asked John.

“Yes, last night when I was at his apt.” John said.

“Interesting”, Harold said to himself. Harold had noticed Lionel and John getting closer over the last few months. He had chosen to remain quiet. John was his best friend and partner, Lionel was also a good friend. He wanted both of them to be happy. He turned and stared at John.

“You went by Detective Fusco apartment Friday night? You told me you were heading straight home.” Harold said. John was saved from answering by Root walking into the subway in a brown trench coat.

John looked at her and said “Are you naked under that trench coat?”

Root grinned at him and said “Wouldn't you love to know. Who was supposed to be going straight home yesterday?” Root asked. John began to study the computer screen in front of him with serious interest. Harold smirked at John. He thought back to a few weeks ago. John had caught Harold looking at Roots behind while she was changing clothes. In his defense, what white blooded man could resist a beautiful half-dressed woman in front of him. John had teased him for weeks. No way Harold was gonna let this opportunity pass by.

“John was. He ended up at Detective Fuscos instead.” Harold said.

“What was I grounded and didn't know it. I just stopped by to check in on my partner, that is all.” John said.

Root looked at John giggled and said “That's cute Riley” Harold looked at the ground and tried not to laugh.

“Did you remember to visit him at his apt. when he was shot.” Harold asked. John then decided to annoy Finch.

“Fuck you Harold.” John said.

Harold got a totally offended look on his face and said “Mr. Reese, do not use the language with Mrs. Groves in the room.”

“Sorry Harold” John said smiling.

Root giggled and said “Come on John, we all know.”

John looked at Harold and said “We all know what? Will you please translate for me Finch. What is she talking about?”

Root stood in front of John and held his hands and said “Look big guy, Lionel has a slight crush on you.” Root giggled at the look on Johns face.

Harold glared at Root and said “Mrs. Groves, please leave us alone.”

Root pouted and said “Come on Harry, let me stay. I promise I will be good.”

“Goodbye Mrs. Groves” Harold said.

Harold sat down in front of John and said “You did not know did you?

John took a deep breath and said “No I didn't know. He is in love with me?” “Yes” Harold said.

“John you cannot tell Detective Fusco that you are aware of his feelings. He will be mortified.” Harold said.

“How the hell did you find out?” John asked.

“After Joss died and you left, Lionel and I were at his apartment grieving. We both got drunk that night and he accidentally told me. I don't even know if he remembers telling me.”

“How does Root know? Did you tell her?” John asked

Harold shrugged his shoulders and said “Of course not Mr. Reese, How does Root know anything she knows.”

“ _Why would the machine have told her that_.” John thought.

Harold looked at John fondly and said “I am going to tell you a little secret Mr. Reese.” John listened intently. Harold never uses the world I and secret in the same sentence.

“I have always been jealous of your and Detective Fuscos relationship. You seem to know him so well. You have on more than one occasion predicted his actions and his thoughts. There are times your relationship seems so easy. Are Lionels feelings really a surprise to you John.”

“Thanks Finch.” John said as he quickly walked out of the subway.

  


CHAPTER 7

John drove his ducati through the streets of New York. It was 2 am. John loved driving at night. He was able to clear his thoughts under the night sky. _“Yes, he is in love with you. Is this really a surprise to you John.”_ John kept hearing Harold say this over and over in his head. If John was being honest with himself, he was not surprised. John had been trained by the company to know when someone desired him. He had caught Lionel staring a few times. John guessed having Harold tell him Lionel was in love with him, drove the point home hard.

In the beginning of their acquaintance John never would have tried to have any romantic relationship with Lionel. The power imbalance between the two of them was to great. It reminded John too much of what Mark and Kara had done to him. He swore he would never abuse someone that way. The relationship John had with Lionel had always been complicated. Lionel was an asset that had turned into a friend and then a partner. John was not surprised that Lionel was in love with him, however he was surprised by how the revelation made him feel. John had only recently admitted to himself how much he liked Lionel. It was one of the reasons he had broken things off with Iris. He and Lionel had commiserated at a local bar after the break-up. John was still trying to understand why when he looked at Lionel these days he got a hard-on. Why did a relationship with Lionel seem so right. “ _What relationship_!” John thought to himself.

“Snap out of it!” John said out loud to himself. John knew one thing, Lionel would never act on his feelings. He knew because of what Lionel told him about his father. That night at the bar Lionel had let it slip that his father had almost a violent hatred of homosexuals. Lionel never knew why, but his father had drilled those feelings into Lionel as a child. As a small child Lionel was terrified of his father. John knew Lionel would never make a pass at him. There was nothing stopping John from making a pass at Lionel.

“Oh Shit” John said out loud. He was getting a hard-on. John smiled.

  


CHAPTER 8

Lionel was at his place. This was Lionels safe place. Lionel had started referring to this place in his head as “The Loft.” No one knew about the loft, except for Lionels son Lee. The loft was what most people would find surprising about Lionel Fusco. It was where he held his musical collection. The overall collection was extensive. The collection includes Lionels two electric guitars and amps. He also had two acoustic guitars. He has a CD collection of 1500, 3 complete stereo systems with speakers. Lionel was very proud of his vinyl collection which at last count was 996 albums. He also had 3 record players hooked into a surround sound system to play the albums on. At the far end of the sq ft loft was Lionels prized possession, a baby grand piano.

Lionel was looking through some albums when his phone rang.

“Yea” Fusco said answering the phone.

“Hello Lionel.” John said as he was riding his motorcycle by Lionels apt.

“Hey wonder boy, what's up?” Lionel asked.

“Where are you Fusco?, you are not at your apartment.” John said.

Lionel stopped what he was doing and said “How do you know where I am currently not at. What are you spying on me?” John was quite on the other end of the phone.

“Well'” Lionel said angrily. John was not quite sure what to say. He had no right to make demands on Lionels free time.

Lionel finally took pity on John and said “1102 Crescent View Drive.” John knew that address. He was smiling as he drove in that direction.

  


Lionel sat down on the red couch and waited on John. This evening he was in a Johnny Cash mood. He was having second thoughts about John coming to the loft. No one had ever been here but Lee. Lionel heard a knock at the front door.

“When did he get so polite.” Lionel said to himself. Lionel opened the door and John barged in right past him.

“Never mind” Lionel said rolling his eyes. John stopped and his mouth fell open as he looked around the loft. The loft was sq ft. Lined up along the left and right wall were red, blue, and brown couches. There was a stereo system at each couch. A record player at every other couch. Speakers in every corner and mounted on walls. CD’s and vinyl stacked neatly at each stereo and record player. The grand piano took Johns breath away.

“Fuck Lionel, this is nice.” John spent the next ten minutes just looking at albums and cds.

“I know” Lionel said. Lionel invited John to sit on the middle red couch with him.

“Look John, this is my place. You and Lee are the only two people in the world that know about this place. Carter didn't even know. You gotta promise me you wont just show up here uninvited or when you feel like it. You have shown you have no respect for anything else that is mine, please respect this.”

John smirked at Lionel and said “I promise”

Lionel handed John a soda and said “Sorry no beer here, don't wont Lee to see beer in the fridge and worry about me falling off the wagon.”

“No problem.” John said

“So what was so important that you wanted to see me tonight wonder boy?” Lionel asked. John avoided eye contact with Lionel.

“Yea about that. I finished up all the paperwork on the Martin Case.” John said.

Lionel laughed and said “That's it, that’s what was so important you had to know where I was.

“Excuse me for trying to keep you up to date on our case load.” John said trying to be serious.

“Bull shit. You just wanted to see me tonight, admit it.” Lionel said still laughing. John thought to himself “ _fuck it_ ”

“Yes I did” John said. Lionel looked at him shocked.

“Damn Riley, when did you become such a girl.” Lionel said laughing at him.

“Fuck you Fusco.” John said punching Lionel in the arm. They sat in Silence listening to Johnny Cash sing for Folsom Prison.

“Why did you really come here tonight?” Lionel finally asked. John took a deep breath and started his explanation.

“Finch bugged Dr. Summers office. We saw her with one of her patients, a 17 year old kid. They were kissing.” John said.

Lionel went pale and said “Some things never change.” Lionel began to pace the loft talking to himself.

“God you think a woman in her fifties would get tired of seducing kids. What are you saying Fusco you know how sexual predators work its not the sex its the control. Lionel began to rub his wrist.

John noticed and said “Why are you rubbing your wrist?” Lionel finally realized what he was doing.

He stopped and said “Its nothing Riley.” Lionel sat down next to John and put his head in his hands.

“Why am I so upset about this? Why does she still have this power over me?” Lionel said.

John put his arm around Lionels shoulders and said “Because you have kept everything bottled up and never talked about it. I want you to talk to me Lionel. I promise you can trust me.” Lionel turned to John and slowly began to tell him the story of Dr Laura Summer.

“I was 17 and Laura was 27. You already know she was my therapist and we ended up having an affair. I told you about my father and his feeling on homosexuality. He made me start seeing Laura when he saw me look a little to long at another man. He made it very clear he would not have a gay son. I was going to be straight no matter what it did to me.” Lionel began to pace from wall to wall in the loft.

John looked at his feet and asked a question. He was surprised how much the answer would mean to him. “Are you gay Lionel, I mean did you know back then.”

“I did not know what I was back then. I had the feelings. I had more than one crush on more than one boy. That terrified me. When I meet Laura and we started having sex I thought she was gonna cure me. She said she could show me how to love a woman. I thought she was an answer to my prayers. As time went on I knew she wasn't. I thought I loved her, but looking back now I didn't. I enjoyed the sex, but I could not really feel any emotions for her. I tried John, I really did.” Lionel laughed angrily.

“I felt bad for using her.” Lionel was still pacing back and forth. He started rubbing his wrist again. John got up and walked over to Lionel. He put his hands on his shoulders and turned him around to face him. He gently wiped the tear away.

John whispered in Lionels ear “You are safe with me partner.” Lionel fell into Johns arms shaking. John held him tight.

Lionel finally got a hold of himself and pushed away from John. He was red-faced and embarrassed. He walked over to the record player and changed Johnny Cash to Jimi Hendrix. Lionel started pacing again.

“Laura has always been of the opinion that homosexuality was environmental not mental. My feelings were just because I was around the wrong type of people. She said she could show me a way I would never want to be with a man again. She said I just needed to know that being with men was not what I thought it would be. God, I was so stupid to trust her.” Lionel sat down on the middle of the loft floor and began to rock himself back and forth.

“One night she took me to a motel. She said this would be our final therapy session. I honestly thought she was gonna break up with me. I didn't know if I would be relived or not. I walked into the room and there were two men waiting for me. She closed the door and told me to relax. She said she would show me what being with men was really like. I would see I didn't like it. I was so scared, I didn't fight them. I just let it happen.” Lionel began to cry.

“I had always wondered what being with men would be like, but not with strangers. I didn't want my girlfriend in the room watching. She just stood there and watched.” Lionel was still sitting in the middle of the loft floor. He was crying and rocking himself.

“That was the last time I saw Laura. I told my parents she cured me and I began to date a different girl every night. Any girl who would go out with me, I took out. I felt so ashamed over what had happened, two months later I tried to kill myself. I slashed my wrists. My father found me. I'll give it to my dad he said he would never have a gay son, but being a suicidal one was fine. He sent me to a psych ward for kids. I got out, turned 18, left home and never looked back.” John went and sat behind Lionel on the floor. He pulled him to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. John held Lionel as he cried.

“ You did nothing wrong Lionel. Of course you did not want your first time to be with strangers, that's normal. Its all right Lionel, I'm here. Your safe with me.” John said as he kissed the back of Lionels head.

  


CHAPTER 9

The next week Lionel and John were back at work. It was a slow day and they were both doing paperwork. There was a strange vibe between the two. John got caught smiling at Lionel a couple of times. Lionel was caught looking at John and blushing.

“Riley and Fusco!” John and Lionel looked up in time to see Captain Moreno heading straight for their desk.

“Just letting you guys know it is time for yearly psych evals for the department. Now that Dr. Summer is all settled in she is ready to get started. Riley since you already did a full evaluation for IAD with Dr. Campbell, you just need to see her once for paperwork. You see her tomorrow at 3:30. Fusco here is the paperwork you wanted on how to get your evaluation done by a third party.”

“Thanks boss.” Fusco said. Lionel looked at John and frowned. In his mind he knew it was stupid to worry about the two of them being alone together. He was worried what she would say to John. Lionel did not want John to hate him. John looked at Lionel and smirked. It was scary the way he could read Lionels mind.

“I will be all right.” John said softly.

  


“Mr. Reese I urge you to show caution when you are dealing with Mrs. Summer. You still have an identity that needs protecting.” Harold said. John was walking through the park, waiting for his appointment with Laura.

“What are you saying Finch, you don't think I can handle myself with her? You do remember Kara don't you?” John asked.

“Yes Mr. Reese I remember that particular demon spawn.” John laughed out loud at that joke.

Harold softened his tone and said “All I am saying is she may be able to push your buttons, because she hurt a friend of yours.” John walked for a while with his thoughts. John thought maybe Harold was seeing something he wasn't.

“Thanks for worrying about me Finch, but I can handle it.” John said.

“I hope you are right Mr. Reese.” Harold said.

  


CHAPTER 10

John made himself comfortable on the couch in Laura's office. Laura was looking through Johns file. She was wearing a navy-blue business suit. John thought the skirt was too short for a woman her age. John took a deep breath and knew he had to watch himself.

“Detective Riley, thank you for meeting with me today.” Laura said.

“No problem.” John replied.

“It says in your file you recently underwent a full psychiatric evaluation for IAD, with Dr. Iris Campbell. How do you feel that evaluation went?” Laura asked. Laura smiled a sexy smile at him. John saw through it instantly. Kara use to give him that same smile, only she did it better.

“It went fine, Dr. Campbell was a great doctor.” John said.

“What was she like?” Laura asked. John knew this was the point he would have to be careful. Summer wanted to see just how close he and Iris were. John let out his predator smile.

“She was a great doctor. She taught me a lot of stress relief techniques.” John said. Laura crossed and uncrossed her legs in front of John. John merely rolled his eyes.

“Tell me about your partner Dt. Fusco.” Laura said.

“Why?” John asked before he could stop himself.

“I am curious as to how much Lionel has changed since I knew him last” Laura said.

“He was a kid last time you saw him, he grew up into a good cop and man. He has been a great partner to me.” John said.

“I am relieved to hear that, when I knew Lionel he was a very troubled young man.” John was quiet for a moment. Laura then said something that made Johns anger explode.

“I tried my best to help him when he was younger.” Laura said.

“I heard all about the help you gave him.” John said. For the first time Laura became angry.

“I helped Lionel grow into that strong man and cop you talked about earlier.” Laura said. The assassin in John was out in full force.

“You give yourself to much credit doc, I heard you had two friends who also helped Lionel grow. He told me all about it.” Laura stopped cold, now that she realized John knew the truth about her.

“I don't know what Lionel told you, but I tried to make Lionel into a real man.” Laura said.

“He told me the truth. The only thing you tried to turn Lionel into was a man that you and his father thought he should be.” John said.

“I tried to help him.” Laura said again.

John laughed and said “Really, I thought you just liked watching young boys be thrown down and raped in front of you.”

“You bastard!” Laura said. Laura was angry, but she suddenly got her anger under control. She turned and looked at John.

“You don’t like me very much do you detective?” Laura said.

“I don't like therapist who use sex to control their patients.” John said. Laura stood up and walked around her desk to stand just a foot away from John.

“Watch it detective, I can make life very difficult for you.” Laura said in a menacing tone. John stood up and slowly put his coat on.

He turned to look at Laura and said “You won't”

“Why wouldn't I?” Laura asked. John walked up to her and got inches from her ear. He then whispered to her.

“That would be one mistake you would never live to regret.” John said and walked out of her office.

“Oh dear.” Harold said in Johns ear.

  


CHAPTER 11

John stormed into the precinct bullpen.

Lionel looked at him and said “What's wrong with you?”

“Nothing” John said as he grabbed his coat.

“Let's go Lionel. We are outta here.” John said as he grabbed Lionels coat and handed it to him.

“Where are we going?” Lionel asked as he followed John out of the precinct.

“She got to you, didn't she?” Lionel asked

“Absolutely not” John replied. Lionel simply smirked at John.

  


John and Lionel ended up walking in the park.

Lionel looked at John and said “It's all right if she got to you. She gets to people very easily.”

John looked down and in an embarrassed voice said “She got to me a little bit. She made me mad.” John did not think it would be a good idea for Lionel to know he had threatened to kill her.

Lionel looked at him and said “What got you so mad? She insult Iris?” John looked at him confused.

“No you idiot, she insulted you.” John said. Lionel stopped walking and simply stared at John. He was trying to figure out why John would get upset over someone insulting him.

“Why would you get upset over that wonder boy?”

John incredulously said “Why wouldn’t I? That bitch has no right to insult you. You are better than she is Lionel. Why are you so surprised I got upset.” It was Lionels turn to look down. He was not use to people who thought he was worth defending.

“I didn't know you cared.” Lionel said.

“Well I do” John said. John and Lionel resumed their walk and both had a smile on their face. John finally made his decision. It was time to tell Lionel how he felt.

  


“Lionel, can I ask you a question?” John said.

“Sure” Lionel said. John stopped, turned and looked Lionel in the eye.

“Are you gay Lionel?” John asked. Lionel was about to get pissed when John stopped him and kept talking.

“You said you had the feelings when you were younger, but Laura pretty much killed them in you. I mean have you ever had feeling for other men. There is a reason why I am asking?”

“Why are you asking?” Lionel said. John walked over to a bench and sat down. Lionel followed and sat beside him. John took a deep breath and said to himself “ _here goes nothing”_

 _“_ What I am trying to say Lionel is do you think you could have feelings for one man, me. I care very much about you Lionel. Any chance you could feel the same about me?” John looked at Lionel with his heart in his eyes. Lionels ears turned red. John thought that was cute.

Lionel looked down and said “You sure you don't just feel sorry for me because of what happened with Laura.” John grabbed Lionels hand in his.

“I don't feel sorry for you Fusco. I now know just how strong a person you really are.” John gently ran his thumb over Lionels hand. Lionels whole face turned red.

“You never answered my question.” John asked.

“When the incident at the motel first happened I swore I would never think of men that way again. I found out my brain had other ideas. I have looked at guys and had hard on. I have meet guys I thought were really cute. The only man I have ever wanted to be with has been you.” Lionel said.

John grabbed Lionel and pulled him behind a tree for a little privacy. John crowded close to Lionel and cupped his cheek.

“ I feel the same. I wanna be with you because you are handsome, sweet, smart, funny, a good cop. You are also a good dad, a good partner, and a good friend.” John said. John laughed as Lionels face and ears turned red.

“God your cute” John said.

“If you see all that, I should call you glasses instead of Harold.” Lionel said. John whispered in Lionels ear.

“I see you Lionel.”

  


CHAPTER 12

John banged on the door to Lionels loft. John had waited Long enough. It had been 48 hours since Lionel and John had their walk in the park. During those two days Lionel had avoided John at every turn. Lionel had called in sick to work. He had not replied to any of Johns text messages. He had ignored John when he banged on his apartment door and through the comms. John wanted to make sure Lionel was all right. John did not want to overwhelm Lionel. They were still partners and most importantly friends. The door opened and Lionel stood in front of him.

“Hey” Lionel said. Lionel stared at John for a few moments. John was surprised to watch Lionels ears turn red.

“Hey yourself. Glad you are not dead Fusco.” John said.

“I have been sick” Lionel said.

“You have been avoiding me.” John replied

Lionel sighed and said “Your right, I have been avoiding you.” John sat down on the blue couch and turned the record player that was on, off.

“If you don't want things to change between us, they wont. We are still partners and friends. Nothing has to change.” John said.

“For the last two days I have been sitting in my loft listening to records. I know you don't want to screw up our friendship anymore than I do. I have been trying to work up my courage.” Lionel said.

“Courage for what?” John asked.

“For this” Lionel replied. Lionel leaned over and firmly kissed John on the lips. He pushed his other hand through Johns hair. Lionel swallowed his fear and continued to kiss John for all he was worth. John was surprised and pleased by Lionels actions. John put his hands on Lionels shoulders and let him control the kiss for now. Johns hands went around Lionels waist and he pulled him closer. Lionels hands moved to Johns chest where he found a bicep and squeezed. Lionel was feeling his way through the kiss. John could feel Lionels heart beating and felt him shaking. It was time for him to take over for a while.

John gently pushed Lionel down on the couch and laid on top of him. John continued the kiss, determined to give Lionel a hickie.

John put his forehead on Lionels and said “Why are you shaking?” Lionel turned his head sideways so he did not have to look at John face.

“I am scared.” Lionel said in a soft voice.

John gently took Lionels face in his hands and said “Don't be afraid Lionel. You are always safe with me.”

  


CHAPTER 13

The next two weeks were busy for both John and Lionel. They had to deal with 6 back to back numbers, and a triple homicide. A mother and her 17 and 18 year old daughters had been raped and murdered in there home. Lionel had to do most of the work on the homicides while John scrambled to stay ahead of the numbers. It was around this time that Lionel began to realize John was keeping things from him. John said it was for his own good, but Lionel was not convinced. After two weeks of dealing with the death of a woman and two kids who died for no good reason, Lionel just wanted to sleep. Lionel was able to close the case because he had 3 stupid kids as criminals. The three admitted to the rapes but did not think they would be caught because they use the pull-out method. The DNA was a match on all three. Instead of going back to his apartment he found himself at the loft. Lionel was trying to be more honest with himself. He wanted to sleep, but he also wanted John. He was to scared to call John himself. Lionel settled for a night of music, when he got a knock on his door.

Lionel knew that knock.

He opened the door and said “Come in wonder boy.”

John walked in, smiled and said “I come bearing root beer.”

“GIMMIE” Lionel said happily. Lionel had a secret obsession with root beer. The two settled down to listen to Music. John was a huge Motown fan and chose The Temptations.

John turned to Lionel and said “Everyone at the precinct is talking about how you closed the triple homicide. Good work partner.”

“Those three were morons. They thought they would not leave DNA behind because they used the pull out method. It sucks that three good lives were violated and taken by three morons.” Lionel said. Lionel yawned.

“Did you get that last person to a safe place.” Lionel asked.

“Yea I did.” John said.

“ Lionel I am sorry I can't tell you more.” John said.

Lionel stopped him quickly and said “Don't, I am to tired to argue with you tonight.” Lionel yawned again

John laughed and said “I can see that. When is the last time you slept Fusco?”

Lionel thought about it and said “I don’t know. Too many nightmares.” Lionel got up off of the couch and pulled John with him.

“Help me, the two middle couches pull out into beds.” Lionel said. Ten minutes later the two were in there boxers and shirts, laying down. John pulled Fusco to him and made him put his head on his chest.

“Get some sleep Lionel.” John said.

Lionel smirked at him and said “Is this some weird sex thing?”

“No, this is a you need some sleep thing. I got some sleep before I came over here. Finch and Root made me do it.”

Lionel laughed and said “Poor baby.” Lionel yawned again.

“Lay down Lionel.” John said. Lionel got comfortable and finally closed his eyes. He smiled when he felt Johns fingers run through his hair. For the first time in weeks Lionel fell into a deep dreamless state. John stayed up all night running his fingers through his hair.

He quietly whispered to Lionel “Its ok Lionel. You are safe with me.”

  


CHAPTER 14

Three days later John meet Harold and Root at Dr. Whistlers apartment. Lionel was meeting them their later. Root could not help herself, she kept smiling at John.

“What are you looking at Root!” John said annoyed.

Root giggled. “Nothing, I just think it is cute. You are glowing lurch. I wonder if Lionel is glowing.”

John looked at her seriously and said “You are not gonna ask him. Lionel does not know that you and Harold know about us or his past with summer.”

Root smiled and said “Me and Harold will be good lurch, we promise.”

“I was not worried about Harold.” John said.

“Do not worry Mr. Reese, Detective Fusco will never find out that we know.” Harold said.

“I will never find out that you know what?” Lionel asked walking into Harolds apartment. All three froze. Lionel laughed out loud.

“I will never find out that you two know about me and John and me and Laura.” John spoke up immediately

“I did not tell them.”

“I know that wonder boy. They are glasses and coco puffs, I really don't want to know how they know the things they know.” Lionel said. John smirked and Root giggled to herself.

The four sat around Harold old wobbly table.

“I am glad you could all meet me tonight. We need to talk about what to do about Dr. Summer.” Harold said.

“Summer is not a threat to us or our covers. With all due respect Lionel, summer cant be our main priority.” John gave root a look silently telling her to watch her step. Lionel noticed the look.

“You guys don't have to do this because of me.” Lionel said.

“I know Lionel.” Harold said.

“We have proof that she is having sex with at least two of her underage clients. I cannot in good conscious stand by and do nothing while this woman takes advantage of kids. She threatened Mr. Reese, best to end this before she makes good on her threat.”

Lionel turned and looked at John saying “You never told me she threatened you. Why didn't you tell me that?”

“I was going to tell you, I just never had a chance.” John said innocently.

“Yea right. I would appreciate it if you did not keep things from me that directly involve me.” Lionel said.

“I am sorry Lionel.” John said. John tried to keep the smile off of his face, but couldn't. Lionel wanted to stay angry, but seeing John smile drained the anger from him. The only problem with Johns smile was that it made him look truly crazy.

Lionel laughed out loud and said “You look crazy as hell.”

John smiled at Lionel, grabbed his hand and kissed the inside palm.

“I am crazy about you.”

  


CHAPTER 15

Two days later Harold was not a happy hacker. John was meeting him in the subway to find out the new information.

“It seems Dr. Summer leans more towards the criminal element than we thought. Dr. Summer has been quietly looking into you and Dt. Fusco by talking to IAD. She has also been talking to contacts in the Police Commissioners office and the DA's office. Your files have been hacked by a hacker named anarchy, a former patient of Summers.” Harold said.

“FUCK” John said.

“There is one more thing I found.” Harold said. Harold walked over to John with a book in his hand. John took the book from him and read the title “ _Teenage Sexual Identity.”_ John turned to where Finch had the book marked. After about ten minutes of reading John had gone pale. He was afraid he was gonna throw up. It was a summary of one of her cases. The case of a 17 year old suffering from misplaced feeling of homosexuality. She told about the subjects case, his feeling, his fears, and how he agreed to be in the book to help people. The subjects name was Lionel. The bitch even had Lionels picture there as a 17 year old boy. John was furious that she had used her sick relationship with Lionel for her book. John closed the book and handed it back to Harold.

In a deadly voice John said “How do we end her.”

  


That night Lionel and John stayed at the loft. The two were listening to The Allman Brothers Band. They were laying on the first brown couch, drinking root beers. Lionel had his head in Johns lap. John was running his fingers through Lionels hair. Lionel got up walked to the center of the room and stared at John

“What is it Riley?” Lionel asked.

“What did I do?” John asked.

“I figured since we are here relaxing, you should at least be relaxed. You have been tense all night. My head on your lap felt like bricks.” Lionel said

“Sorry my lap was hard Fusco, I get that way sometimes.” John said. Lionel only stared at him unamused.

“It better not be anymore of that stupid you hiding shit from me for my own good.” Lionel said angrily. John looked down guilty.

“That's it isn't it. What the hell are you hiding from me now. I am not a child.” Lionel said angrily.

“I know you are not a child, even though you are acting like one right now.” John said.

“What is it?” Lionel said. John slowly handed Lionel a book. Lionel took the book and went to the page that was marked. Lionel read for ten minutes, went pale and ran for the bathroom. John heard him throwing up. Lionel walked out of the bathroom and threw the book across the loft.

“How many copies of that book did she sale?” Lionel asked

John looked down and said “5,000”

“If anyone from the precinct gets that book, my life is over. That bitch even put my picture in it. I can't believe I ever trusted her and told her everything. God, there is a chance Lee could find out about this one day. Complete strangers know about a struggle I have hidden from everyone.” Lionel paced around the loft.

“I cant believe she would do this to me. What am I saying of course I can believe this is the same woman who watched me get raped by two strangers.” John grabbed Lionel by the shoulders and turned him around to face him.

“Take a deep breath Lionel. You have every right to be pissed right now.” John placed his forehead on Lionels.

“I am getting really sick of her John. Every time I turn around she is still manipulating me.”

“Only if you let her.” John said. Lionel put his arms around Johns waist.

“She just make me feel so stupid, even though I am a grown man. You should have told me about this immediately, but I am glad you were here when I found out.”

John whispered in his ear “I will always be here for you Lionel.”

  


CHAPTER 16

John was on his way to the loft. He had received a message from Lionel to meet him there in an hour. John and Lionel had been in there new relationship for 4 months. There had been no sex yet, but they were both happy. John remembered how good it felt when Lionel gave him his own key to the loft. John went into the loft and looked around. He saw Lionel sitting at his piano. This was new, Lionel never played the piano in front of John.

“Hey Fusco, what's up” John said. Lionel looked at John with what Root called his “dopey john” look. The stupid dopey smile he always had on his face when John was around.

“You think you could disconnect from glasses.” Lionel asked.

“All right” John said.

“Hey Harold can I call you back. Lionel would like some private cuddle time.” John said.

“Oh dear.” Harold said.

“Very funny wonder boy.” Lionel said.

“You better be nice or I might decide to not play for you.” Lionel said.

“Really” John said excitedly. Lionel never played his piano for anybody.

“Why me?Why now?” John asked curious

Lionel smiled at him and said “Because I want too and because you are special.” It was now John who had the big dopey grin on his face. “ _Lionel thinks I am special_ ” John thought to his self.

Lionel was nervous. John had gone to classical concerts with Harold. Lionel hoped he did not disappoint. John hoped if Lionel played bad, he could keep his reactions in check. Lionel began to play. Thirty seconds into listening to Lionel play, Johns mouth dropped open. He did not have to worry about Lionel playing bad. Lionel played brilliantly. Every note was perfect. Lionel played as well as any professional pianist. John eyes went wide when Lionel began to sing.

  


_Offer me your hand and I will give my heart._

_Ask me for a sketch and I'll paint a work of art._

_I know I can when its for you._

_In the light of day we all believe we can._

_Its when we are in the dark that we need a helping handkerchief._

_Mine is always there when its for you._

  


The entire world had fallen away for John. All that mattered to him was Lionels voice and the man who was singing.

  


_I can't help it, I can't hide it._

_Its what you bring out in me._

_You give me inspiration._

_Nothing is too much when its for you._

  


Lionel was shaking inside. He was terrified of Johns reaction.

  


_So go ahead and ask for all the stars above._

_What I really have to give you is my love._

_I know that I can, when its for you._

_I can't help it, I can't hide it._

_Its what you bring out in me._

_You give me inspiration._

_Nothing is too much when its for you._

  


The music ended and Lionel stopped singing. It took John a minute to come back to reality.

“That was amazing Lionel. I had no idea you could sing.” John said. It was then that John realized that Lionel was very quiet. John looked at Lionel and saw him staring at the keys on the piano. Lionel looked at John with a look of fear on his face. Lionel had just shown a big part of himself to John. He was terrified of his reaction. In Lionels mind he saw John walking away from him. John was trying hard to show Lionel he had nothing to worry about. John walked over to the piano bench and sat down next to Lionel. He put his arms around Lionel and pulled him into an embrace

John Kissed the side of Lionels head and said “Thank you for that beautiful gift Lionel. I loved it.” Lionel smiled at him and leaned into the embrace.

  


  


CHAPTER 17

John pulled his shirt on. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down beside Lionel on the bed. The two were at Lionels apartment. Lionel had a blanket around him and was still shaking. Over the last two months John and Lionel had slowly been moving towards intimacy. Lionel was only recently becoming comfortable with him and John making out with their shirts off.

The night had started with John giving Lionel a massage. John had decided to steal some kisses. John was kissing up Lionels spine. John was about to plant a kiss on Lionels neck when he felt him stiffen. John felt the difference immediately. Lionels entire body stopped. John felt Lionels elbow hit his eye. Lionel then turned onto his back and pushed John as hard as he could off of him. John fell to the floor holding his eye. Lionel ran to what he thought was a safe corner of the loft. He was terrified. John stood up and walked towards Lionel.

“It's o.k. Lionel, you are all right. You are safe. You are always safe with me.” John said in a gentle voice. Lionel slowly caught his breath and became aware of his surroundings.

“John, What happened?” Lionel asked in a very small voice. Lionel tried to stand up, but lost his balance. John helped him up and back to the bed.

John sat on the bed holding Lionel. He was still shaking.

“What happened? I don't understand.” Lionel said.

“You had a flashback. When did you start to feel yourself begin to loose it.” John asked.

Lionel was quite for a moment and then said “When I felt you breath on my neck.” Lionel looked down at his feet.

“The one thing I remember the most about that night at the motel, was their breath on my neck. I felt so hot.”

John held Lionel tighter and said “You have to tell me these things Lionel.” Lionel tried to dry his eyes.

Lionel looked at John and said “Why are you putting up with me.”

In a sincere voice John simple said “Because I love you.”

Lionels entire body went still. He slowly turned and looked at John.

“What did you say?” Lionel asked. John smiled at Lionel and gently wiped the tears out of his eyes.

“I said because I love you Lionel.” John said. John could see the insecurity radiating off Lionel. Lionel did not believe him. John did not understand how someone as strong as Lionel could be so insecure. He hated Laura.

Lionels bottom lip quivered and he looked at John and said “Why me wonder boy?” John gently kissed Lionels lips and then whispered in his ear.

“Why you? You are a wonderful man who is handsome, funny, intelligent, and sweet. You are a good cop, father, friend and partner. I chose you because you stay friends with your ex for your sons sake. You send money home to your mother when she needs it. You let me save your life on several occasions. You saved mine also. You have great taste in music and your loft is very cool.” Lionel laughed.

“You are also a great kisser and I love kissing you.” John said. Lionels ears turned red.

John laughed and said “One more thing, I absolutely love it when your ears turn red. I love you Lionel, don't ever doubt that or me.” John said.

  


CHAPTER 18

John and Lionel had been together for six months. John had said I love you, and Lionel had sung the same. They had not had sex yet, but Lionel had hopes that tonight was the night. They were at the loft with Smoky Robinson playing in the background. Lionel was pacing the length of the loft. He would walk down to his piano touch the keys and then walk back to the front door. John was amused. He liked watching Lionel pace.

“Lionel, come here and sit with me.” John said. Lionel stopped pacing and sat next to John on the red couch. This particular couch pulled out into a bed. John had Lionel stretch out on the bed with him and put his head on Johns shoulder.

“Nothing has to happen tonight if you don't want it to.” John said. Lionel was suddenly pissed off. John was being very nice about this situation.

“You keep saying that. You keep being very nice about this whole situation. You are a guy right? You do want to have sex with me, don't you?” Lionel said.

“Yes Lionel I very much want to have sex with you. I don't want you to feel forced like I was.” John said and then suddenly shut up. He had not meant to say that last part. Lionel turned and stared at John. The two stared at each other trying to figure out what to say next.

John smiled. He grabbed Lionels hand and pulled him back down on the bed with him. Lionels head went to Johns chest.

“Do you remember Marc Snow?” John asked Lionel.

Lionel looked at him and said “Yea, FBI guy who worked with Carter when we first started tracking the man in the suit. He shot you.” John felt Lionels anger about the last part.

“I meet Marc when I worked for the CIA. He and a woman named Kara Stanton were my partners. I was the low man on the totem pole and it turned out Marc and Kara liked fighting over me.”

“Fighting over you how?” Lionel asked. It broke Johns heart to hear Lionel ask that question with innocent eyes.

“I am a pretty attractive guy Lionel. They both wanted to fuck me.” Lionel went pale.

“The first time I told Marc no, he put me undercover in a biker gang where it did not matter if I said no.” They were both quiet for what seemed like forever.

“After that assignment I let them fight over me, but I was allowed to choose my missions. That was the only rule I demanded from them.”

“Jesus John” Lionel muttered to himself.

“I know what it is like to not have basic rights over your own body and who you share that with. It makes you feel like you are less than everybody else around you.” Lionel looked away with tears in his eyes. He had felt that way his whole life.

“I swore I would never do to anyone else what was done to me. That is why I am always making sure this is what you want. I don't ever want to take those basic rights away from you.” John said. Lionel sat up in the bed, just thinking. John turned Lionel around and began to massage his shoulders.

“I am no saint Lionel. I want to have sex with you very badly. I just want to make sure you are ready.” John said.

“I love you.” Lionel whispered to John. Lionel then kissed John. He kissed him long and hard on the lips. He pushed John down on the bed and stretched out on top of him. Lionel let his hands wander, while the two men made out for twenty minutes. John moaned as Lionel grind against him. John broke the kiss and took a few deep breaths.

“Lionel please let me suck you. I have been dying to get my mouth on you.” John said breathless.

“All right” Lionel said breathlessly. John rolled Lionel over and was on top of him before Lionel could say wonder boy. John smirked at him. John began to slowly kiss his way down Lionels body. He made sure to get the good spots such as the nipples, belly button and stomach. He got to Lionels boxers, he made sure Lionel was ready and he slowly pulled them off. John gave Lionel a few experimental strokes. John put Lionels cock in his mouth and sucked hard. Lionels eyes rolled back in his head. John sucked harder and slowly sucked his way down Lionels cock. John began to bop his head up and down. John alternated between fast bobbing and slow sucking. Lionel climaxed all over Johns face.

“I'll be right back.” John said as he went to find a towel.

  


CHAPTER 19

Lionel smiled to himself as he laid on the bed and waited for John. The orgasm was great and it made him feel great. One lone thought popped into his head. “A man had made me come.” That thought became interwoven with his father yelling, _“you will never be gay. I will see you dead first.”_ Lionel suddenly saw the faces of the two men from the motel room that night. He began to shake. He felt hands holding him down. He did not understand what was happening to him. He could not breath.

John walked back into the loft carrying a bottled water and a towel. He looked at Lionel and knew immediately what was happening to him. He was having another flashback.

“Oh Shit.” John said. John knelled down in front of Lionel and took his face in his hands.

“Lionel look at me. It's John. Your safe.” John said to him. Lionels eyes kept looking from side to side looking for an unseen danger.

“Lionel your safe.” John said again. John took a blanket from the bed and placed it around Lionels shoulders. Lionel was shaking violently.

“John!” Lionel said with a broken voice.

“Yea baby, I'm here. You are safe.” John said. John was rubbing Lionels arms up and down trying to warm him up.

Lionel looked around him and said “What happened to me? I don't remember the last ten minutes.”

“You had another flash back.” John said. John quickly dressed Lionel in his boxers and a shirt. John made Lionel stretch out on the bed with him. John covered him up and tried to get his shaking to stop. Lionel took several deep breaths.

“Why is this happening to me?” Lionel asked as a tear rolled down his face.

John kissed Lionels forehead and said “Because the only experience you have as far as being intimate with a man is that they will hurt you. It will just take time for your mind to catch up to the fact that I would never hurt you that way.” Lionel snuggled closer to John. John held him tighter. John had a question he needed to ask Lionel. He did not know if he wanted to hear the answer.

“Lionel, did I push you into this relationship? Are you sure this is what you want?” Lionel looked at John and saw a flash of fear in his eyes.

“I am not a baby John you cannot force me to do anything. Well.......you can't anymore.” John smiled at Lionel.

“I want to be with you. I know Harold told you that I have been in love with you for years.” Lionel was beginning to get upset again.

“I know you want sex. I can give that to you. I just need more time. I...I. Can do it.” Lionel began to stammer. John kissed Lionel quickly.

“SSSHHHH...Its all right Lionel. I am not here for that. I just want to make sure you are here because you want to be. Not because I want you to be.

“I am here because I love you.” Lionel said. Lionel kissed John softly on the lips. For the next while, John simple held Lionel in his arms.

Lionel softly said “Thank you.”

“What for?” John asked.

Lionel smiled at him and said “For giving me such a great blow job.”

John smiled at him and said “It was totally my pleasure. I should be thanking you.” Lionel sat up in bed and turned to look at John.

“I could return the favor, if you want.” Lionel said.

John ran his fingers through Lionels hair and said “ I don't need that tonight. I think you have been through enough.” John said.

“Don't you ever get tired of babying me.” Lionel said sulking.

John got a serious look on his face and said “I am not babying you, I am trying to take care of you the only way I know how.” John sat up and took Lionels hands in his.

“Lionel, listen to me. You are gonna have to deal with the fact that you were raped. Someone you trusted watched while two men held you down and hurt you. I don't want to unintentionally hurt you more by forcing you into something you are not ready for.”

Lionel put his head on Johns chest and said “I am sorry for being a douche head.” John giggled and kissed Lionels head.

  


CHAPTER 20

The next day at work Lionel got some very unpleasant news.

“Captain, there is no way in hell I am sitting through an entire therapy session with that woman.” Lionel said. Captain Moreno looked at Lionel aggravated.

“Detective, you and Riley are in the same boat. You were both given extensive evaluations by Dr. Campbell. The Dept. will use those for this years evaluations. You have to see Dr. Summer for one appointment, just for paperwork. Lionel what is the problem?” Moreno asked. The problem was that Lionel had never had a session with Iris, but he figured Harold had helped with that information. He also did not want to be in the same room as Laura.

Lionel took a deep breath and said “No problem Captain.”

Lionel and John were at the loft.

“I can't do this Riley.” Lionel said. Lionel took off his jacket and paced the loft. Lionel had developed a routine, walk to the piano, touch the keys and walk back to the door.

“Lionel calm down. This is a piece of cake for you.” John said. John had made his own space in the loft. He went to a small fridge and pulled out a Yahoo. Lionel still found it funny that John Reese had a Yahoo addiction.

“Lionel you can do this. You are no longer that boy she is use to dealing with. Lionel looked at John and laughed.

John looked around and said “What!” John was offended.

Lionel snickered and said “I'm sorry partner. It's nothing. I guess I am still not use to seeing this side of you.”

“What side is that?” John asked.

“The side of you that is sitting in my loft drinking a Yahoo in your socks. The side of you that isn't crazy scary assassin guy.”

John smiled at him and said “I can be a normal man Fusco.” John then looked away suddenly going quiet. Lionel noticed John go quiet. Lionel also thought he looked scared. Lionel walked over to John and sat down next to him.

“What's wrong?” Lionel asked.

John looked at him and said “Can you handle me being a regular guy. I can't be an exciting sexy spy all the time.” Lionel was shocked. How could John ever doubt that he would be enough for Lionel.

“ _Damn, I guess even scary, crazy, assassins have doubts too_.” Lionel thought to himself.

“Do you want to know when my feelings for you really started to change?” Lionel asked.

John sat up on the couch and said “Actually, yes I would like to know.”

“Do you remember when I helped those Mexicans to kidnap you?” Lionel asked.

“You mean do I remember the Mexicans you hired to help kidnap and kill me? Yes Lionel I remember those Mexicans.”

“I left out the small details. While I was standing there with you looking at me I thought for sure I was dead. I just knew you were gonna kill me, but you didn't. You looked at me and said don't let it happen again.” Lionel smiled.

“It was in that moment I saw that you were more than just a killer. I will admit it to you now I was curious what else you were. Then I thought I was just crazy for thinking that way.” Lionel took Johns hands in his.

“Even back then I knew you were more than what you showed everyone. You were more than a crazy killer. Little by little I got to see the man behind the sexy spy”

Lionel blushed and said “I fell in love with that man.” John looked at Lionel with a curious look on his face.

“You said that was when your feelings for me started to change. I am curious when did you fall in love with me?” John asked. Lionel expression went dark.

“It was when you had a bomb strapped to your chest, while all you were worried about was me getting Carter to safety.” John did not know what to say. He slowly reached his hand out and cupped Lionels cheek. Lionel leaned forward and kissed John. He then put his forehead on Johns and whispered “I love you.”

“I love you too Lionel.” John said.

  


CHAPTER 21

The next afternoon John, Harold, and Root waited in the subway. The three were staring at each other.

“ You both are aware we have absolutely no right to do this.” Harold said.

“Yes Harold.” John and Root said together.

“We are violating Detective Fusco's privacy.” Harold said.

“Yes Harold.” John and Root said together.

“Detective Fusco expressly said he wanted to do this on his own. He didn't even want us on the comms with him.” Harold said.

“Yes Harold.” John and Root said together.

“Fine as long as you are both aware of these facts. I will now go hack into Dr. Summers laptop and we can watch the session from our end.” Harold said.

“Yes Harold.” John and Root said together smiling.

Lionel paced outside of Lauras office. He had a few minutes before his appointment. He was nervous. This encounter had been twenty years in the making. Lionel wished John or Harold was with him. Lionel took a deep breath. Lionel phone binged. He had a new text message. He saw a picture of John, Harold, and Root sitting around a computer screen. The message below the picture said _Your friends are always with you._ Lionel smiled and walked into Lauras office.

“Good afternoon Lionel, thank you for meeting with me today.” Laura said .

Lionel sat down in front of her desk and said “Thanks doc.” Laura had been waiting for this moment for a long time.

“I read Dr. Campbells evaluation of you. She said you had no mental problems and were fit for duty. Do you agree with her assessment. Laura asked.

Lionel smirked and said “Yes, I agree with her.” Laura looked at Lionel and decided to push him.

“I don't know detective, it seems incomplete to me.” Laura said.

“In what areas is it incomplete?” Lionel asked.

“I don't know, but it is my professional opinion that you are hiding something. Are you hiding things from me Lionel?” Laura said smirking at him

“Nope” Lionel said.

“I have known you since you were 17 Lionel, you have always hid things from people.” Laura said.

“Let me correct you Doc. You knew me when I was 17. When I was 17 I hide things from everybody, like all 17 year old do. I grew up, got over it, and am hiding nothing.” Lionel said smirking.

Laura looked at Lionels file and said “I understand you have a son.”

“Yea, his name is Lee. He is 14.” Lionel said.

“Does Lee have a mom and dad, or two dads?” Laura asked innocently.

  


“That Bitch!” John yelled as he jumped out of his chair and away from the computer screen. John was worried about Lionel.

“Mr. Reese calm down. Detective Fusco is doing fine so far.

“She is pushing him Finch.” John said.

“Hey lurch, come here and look at this.” Root said pointing at the computer screen. John went back and looked at the screen.

“Lionels smiling.” John said.

  


“My ex-wife’s name is Debbie. We are better off divorced than married.”

“Finally choose a side Lionel?” Laura asked.

“You better watch it doc. Your bitchiness is showing. I chose a side no thanks to you and your therapy.” Lionel said. Laura was angry now.

“I helped you Fusco.”

“ How? By having sex with me. It drove me to suicide.” Lionel said.

“It was not my fault that you were resistant to therapy. You were unable to leave childish emotions behind you as you became an adult.” Laura said.

“You are wrong Laura. My childhood ended the night you watched two men hold me down and rape me. I was pretty resistant after that.” Lionel said.

 

“Fucker” Harold said pushing away from the computer screen. He walked across the subway clenching and unclench his hands.

“Did you know about this?” Root asked John. John nodded his head as he looked down at his feet. Root looked angry and walked away. She grabbed a 9mm off the table and began to clean it.

 

“You could have walked out that door at any time Lionel.” Laura said.

“Why would I have left Laura? I trusted you totally. I had no idea I was in any danger. I thought the point was for me to not want to sleep with men.” Lionel said angrily.

“I wanted to show you that your emotions were fantasy. I wanted to show you that being with men was not what you thought it would be, it was not real. You could choose to be with women.” Laura said.

“Really, my mistake. All these years I thought you just liked watching little boys held down and raped by grown men.” Lionel said.

“How dare you say that to me you bastard.” Laura hissed at Lionel. Lionel began to laugh.

“I don't know why I have been so afraid of you for twenty years. I see you clearly now for what you are, a sexual predator.” Lionel said smiling at her. This only infuriated Laura more. Laura was about to say something, but Lionel refused to let her talk.

“Its about control. You like being able to control young boys. You take advantage of the fact that they are confused and scared. You make them think there is something wrong with them that needs to be fixed. You magically fix them and make them think the issue is solved.”

“Are you done?” Laura said angrily.

“No, I am not.” Lionel said standing up and putting his jacket on.

“I'm leaving. You are gonna put down in your report that this session was fine and you agree with Dr. Cambells evaluation. I will make you a deal, you stay out of my way and I will stay out of yours. If you get in my way, I will go public with our history.”

Lionel looked Laura directly in the eyes and said “I don't care if it outs me. I don't care about harassment I will get. I don't care what will happen at work. It will be worth it to me if just one person looks at you and goes, I wonder if she is a sexual predator. Stay away from me Laura.” Lionel slammed the door shut behind him. He figured Laura was mad when he heard glass break against the door.

 

“You go Lionel.” Root said clapping. John sat back in his chair smiling.

Harold looked at John and said “I would say Detective Fusco did quite well.”

“He kicked ass.” Root said. John took out his phone and sent Lionel a text. John figured Lionel would be pissed they listened, but he did not care. The message said _I have never been prouder of anyone in my whole life._

  


CHAPTER 22

Lionel sat alone in his loft. He was nervous. He was waiting on John, Harold, and Root. He had decided to show Harold and Root the loft. He did not know why yet. The door opened and the three walked inside. Harold and Root were amazed at seeing the loft. Lionel laughed at their expression.

“Detective, this place is incredible.” Harold said. Harold walked to the piano, sat down and began to play. Another Finch secret revealed. John went and sat next to Lionel on the couch.

“You did great today Fusco.” John said smiling at him. John was still getting comfortable with public displays of affection.

“Thanks” Lionel said. Root suddenly burst out laughing while she was looking through records.

“What's so funny?” Lionel asked. Root turned around and held up a CD.

“Backstreet Boys” Root said laughing. All was quiet for a moment and then John and Harold laughed as well. Lionels face and ears turned red.

“Its my kids.” Lionel said.

John who was still laughing said “No its not, the music he likes is in the front of the loft.”

  


Harold and Lionel were left alone in the loft. John and Root went to go get some dinner.

Harold looked at Lionel and said “Detective I am impressed with your music selection. I did not see the classic section.”

Lionel gave him an evil grin and said “Follow me glasses.” The two sat down on the last couch on the left side of the wall. Lionel pushed a box of vinyls in front of Harold. Harolds eyes bugged out of his head.

“Oh my....Bach, Handel, Beethoven. Lionel I did not know you liked classical music.” Harold said.

“I love it. Just don't tell John, he will never let me hear the end of it.” Lionel said.

“I promise your secret is safe with me.” Harold said. Lionel began to fidget nervously. Lionel wanted to have this conversation with Harold, but kept putting it off.

“Glasses, I need to talk to you about something.” Lionel said. Harold turned and looked at Lionel.

“I know John recently told you about us.” Harold was now the one who was nervous. John had not told him, it was more like Harold had overheard conversation between the two.

“You are Johns best friend. I just wanted to make sure you were all right with everything.” Lionel looked everywhere except at Harold. Harold was surprised to say the least.

“You want to make sure that I am all right with you and John as a couple?” Harold asked. Harold thought the answer to that question was obvious.

“Yea” Lionel said.

“Of course I am detective. What a silly question. You are right John is my best friend. You are also a close friend, I want you both to be happy. Over the last few months I have noticed you and John both seem happier.”

“You and John are so close and I know how important you are to him. I don't want our relationship to interfere in that.” Lionel said.

“Detective, that is silly. You have been in love with John for years.” Harold said.

In and instant Lionel turned to Harold and said “How did you know that?”

Harold laughed and said “I guess you don't remember. You told me the night we got drunk in your apartment.” Lionel looked away embarrassed with his ears turning red.

  


CHAPTER 23

Later that night Lionel and John were spread out on the blue couch of the loft. John had his head in Lionels lap. Lionel ran his fingers through Johns hair.

“Harold gives us his blessing.” Lionel said.

John looked up at him and said “What? You asked for his blessing Lionel.”

“He is your best friend and business partner. I just wanted to make sure he was all right with us being together.” Lionel said. John turned on his back and stared up at Lionel.

“You are so cute” John said. Lionel laughed and kissed John.

“I have not had a chance to tell you this in person yet, but I am very proud of you. You were great today with Laura.” Lionel continued to run his fingers through Johns hair.

“Thanks wonder-boy. That means a lot to me.” Lionel said. He leaned down and kissed John again.

“Do you think now that I have conquered some of my inner demons, I can conquer some of my sex demons?” Lionel asked.

“We might. You wanna try again?” John asked.

“Hell yeah.” Lionel said leaning over to kiss him again.

  


CHAPTER 23

Lionel entered the loft to find it illuminated by candlelight. He looked around and saw about 50 candles lit all over. The middle red couch was pulled out into a bed. Lionel

smiled because he knew John was there.

“Hey wonder-boy, where you at!” Lionel yelled. John seemed to appear out of nowhere and sit quietly on the bed.

“Hello Lionel.” John said. John was putting two root beers by the bed. Marvin Gaye played on the record player.

“I see you decided to get comfortable without me.” Lionel said getting undressed. John was already in his boxers.

John smiled and said “I am just waiting on you Fusco.” A few minutes passed in easy silence.

Finally John said “I Know it looks like I wanna have sex, but I am fine with anything. We can just hang out if you want.”

“I might believe that more if I did not come home to Marvin Gaye and the lets get it on environment.” Lionel said smiling.

“That is just setting Lionel.” John said.

“I'm feeling fine. Quit babying me.” Lionel said. Lionel pushed John down on his back and began to suck on his neck. Lionel stretched on John. John laughed. Lionels hands began to roam. Lionel was happy to feel Johns arousal. Lionel gave three slow strokes trying to get sound from John. John only smirked.

“I am not that easy Lionel.” John whispered in his ear.

Lionel pulled his shirt over his head and said “Time to get serious.” John and Lionel went back to kissing. John was trying to remain passive. He wanted to let Lionel be in control. Lionel however seemed to be loosing the pace. Lionel stopped kissing John and just stared at him.

“John I.....I don't know..” Lionel stuttered. John flipped Lionel over so that he was now on top.

“Let me take over babe.” John said. Lionel looked at John relieved. John began kissing Lionels neck. He was slowly going lower until he reached Lionels boxers. John then took Lionels boxers off. John looked at Lionel and got a nod of approval. John then kissed the head of Lionels penis. John licked from base to the top. Lionel moaned.

“I made you moan first.” John said smugly.

“Fuck you Riley.” Lionel said. He took the head of Lionels penis into his mouth and sucked. John smiled and took Lionels whole member into his mouth. When he got to the bottom, he slowly began to suck his way back up to the top. Lionels eyes rolled back into his head. After 5 minutes of sucking, John began to bob his head. The constant action had Lionel coming 2 minutes later. He came so hard he saw white behind his eyes. John moved to Lionels side to give him a chance to catch his breath. John wanted to continue the night with Lionel.

“You all right Lionel?” John asked.

“I'm fantastic.” Lionel said in a dreamy voice.

“Want me to return the favor?” Lionel asked.

John smirked wickedly and said “I'm not done yet Fusco. Turn on your back and get comfortable for me.” John said. Lionel tensed, but then he saw Johns face and he tried to relax.

“Whatever you want babe.” Lionel said as he laid down on his back. John put a pillow under his hips. He gently massaged Lionels chest. He moved up to his shoulders and then down his arms. He began to kiss his stomach and moved lower. John grabbed the lube that he placed beside the bed. He slicked up his hands and gave Lionels member a few strokes. John looked at Lionel who had a content look on his face. John bent down and slowly took Lionels whole member into his mouth. John slowly pressed one lubed finger to Lionels anus and began to push inside. John hoped the blow job would distract Lionel from his finger. It didn't.

Lionel laid back on the bed in complete pleasure. John had inflamed his whole body with one blow job. He loved Johns mouth. Lionel felt John take him whole again. Lionel thought he would explode the feeling was so good. He then felt John try to put one finger inside of him. It felt like someone had plunged him into a pool of freezing cold water.

“Don't worry Lionel, its just my finger. You are safe with me.” Lionel heard the voice clear as a bell, he still panicked. His eyes shot up and he was back in that motel room being held down. Laura was standing in front of him. The two men were there naked. To this day he still did not know their names.

“ NO! NO!” Lionel Yelled as he tried to get away from the hands that were hurting him. Then he screamed.

John knew immediately something was wrong. John stopped what he was doing and tried to hold Lionel down as he thrashed and tried to get away from him.

“Easy Lionel. Its all right. Its John. You are safe.” Lionel seemed to have more trouble pulling himself out of this flashback.

John grabbed Lionels face and looked him in the eyes and screamed “LIONEL.” Lionels whole body stopped moving. Lionel simply stared at John. His eyes were wide and terrified.

“John! It happened again didn't it.” Lionel stammered out. John saw it when it happened. All the fear that was in Lionels face was replaced by anger. John ran his fingers through Lionels hair trying to comfort him.

“Get off me please.” Lionel said with no emotion in his voice. John rolled off him as he watched Lionel get up and get dressed. Lionel grabbed his jacket and car keys.

“Lionel please wait.” John said.

“John don't. Don't try to make this better. Just leave me alone.” Lionel said.

  


  


CHAPTER 25

John sat in the quiet loft. No music was playing. John touched his ear.

“Finch are you there?” John asked.

“Always, Mr. Reese.” Harold said.

“Can you please track Lionel for me Finch? John said.

There was a short pause and then Harold said “One moment please.”

“Oh No” John heard Harold say.

“Finch, where is he?” John asked.

Harold took a deep breath and said “Rollins bar and Pub.” John closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.

“I am sending Ms. Groves to shadow Lionel and make sure he gets home safe.” Harold said.

“Thanks Finch.” John said.

“Are you all right John?” Harold asked.

“I'm fine” John said.

  


Lionel stumbled out of the bar's front door.

“I think I drank to much.” He said to himself. Lionel wished the world would stop spinning.

“I cant believe this use to be fun.” Lionel said to himself. Lionel began to walk down the street. He stumbled and fell down.

“OOOOOOOOOO” Lionel said while holding his head. Lionel hoped Lee never found out about this. He really hoped his ex-wife never found out. Then he thought of John, and he knew he had fucked up. Lionel did not know what to do about any of that right now. He could not even get home. Lionel looked up and saw the shadow of a woman looking down at him.

“Poor Lionel” Root said.

  


  


CHAPTER 26

Root and Lionel came walking in the front door of the loft. John jumped up and stared at the two

“Does this belong to you?” Root said.

John walked towards the pair and said “Yes he does. Thanks Root.” Root and John put Lionel on the bed. John walked Root out. John wanted to be mad at Lionel, but couldn't. Lionel was under an unbelievable amount of stress. That did not mean he was letting Lionel off the hook. He stood in front of Lionel and ran his fingers through his hair. Lionel rested his head on John stomach. Lionel looked at him with blood shot eyes and tequila breath

“I'm sorry” Lionel said.

John kissed him on the forehead and said “We will talk about it in the morning.” John helped Lionel undress and put him in the bed. John started to walk away.

Lionel grabbed his arm and said “Don't go.”

John squeezed his hands and said “I'm not.” John set the record player to Billie Holiday. He walked around to the other side of the bed and got in. Lionel immediately went into Johns arms.

“Its all right Lionel. You are safe with me.” John said.

  


“OOOH my head” Lionel said. He has not even opened his eyes yet and he already hurt. It got worse when he actually opened his eyes. Lionel heard the loft door open and close. He decided to work through the pain. Lionel turned his head and saw John walk in with food and coffee. Lionel knew he was gonna really hurt now. He swung his legs over the side and sat up in bed.

“Morning Lionel” John said.

“Oh yeah, he's pissed.” Lionel said to himself. John brought Lionel some coffee, aspirin, and Pepto Bismol.

“Your head hurt?” John asked.

“Every part of me hurts.” Lionel said as he took two aspirins.

Lionel looked at John and said “How pissed are you?”

“Extremely” John replied.

“I am sorry John.” Lionel said. John sat down on the bed next to Lionel.

“Last night you threw away five years of sobriety for what? For sex, a stupid bitch woman from your past. What would you have done if Lee showed up here last night.” Lionel looked down ashamed.

“Lionel, whether we are together are not, have sex or not, This will never happen again. I mean it Lionel. I will kick your ass all over this town if I have too.”

Lionel simply said “all right.” John went to get up, but Lionel stopped him. Lionel took Johns hands in his.

“You wanna know what the best thing is about being with you. For the first time in my life, I feel normal. Being with you feels so easy and good. I don't have to struggle, or hide, or lie about my feelings. You have done so much for me John, it pisses me off that I can't do this one thing for you. I can't show you how much I love you. It makes me feel like I am nothing. I am tired of feeling like nothing Reese.” A single tear slid down Lionels face that John wiped away. John pulled Lionel to him and gently kissed him.

“I know how much you love me Lionel. You are not nothing. I promise you we will work this out. You gotta promise me no more booze.” John said.

“I promise” Lionel said. Lionel then planted a kiss in the palm of Johns hands to seal his promise.

Lionel had forgotten how annoying hangovers can be. Lionel was on his third dose of Pepto-Bismol, when he saw him walk into the precinct. He was a young kid, about 18 or 19. He was skinny, had short blond hair, glasses, was wearing a bow tie and he looked scared to death. Lionel walked over to the kid.

The kid looked at him and said “I need to talk to someone.” Lionel felt bad for him.

“Who do you need to speak too?” Lionel asked.

The kid blushed and said “I think a detective. My name is Matt Stevens and I need to file a complaint.”

“I can help you with that. My name is Detective Lionel Fusco. What kind of complaint are we talking about.” Matt looked around to see if anyone was within ear shot.

“It's for sexual assault” Matt said in a low voice. Lionel stopped and stared at the kid. As Lionel was walking Matt into an interrogation room, John returned to the precinct. He immediately looked for Lionel. He saw him talking to some kid. John continued to stare at the kid knowing he recognized him from somewhere. It was then that Johns brains kicked on and he remembered where he had seen this kid.

John touched his ear and said “Harold you are never gonna believe who just walked into the precinct.”

 

Lionel and Matt were settled into their chairs in the interrogation room. Matt stared at his hands in his lap

“Its just you and me here. You tell me as much or as little as you are comfortable with.” Lionel said.

“Thank you.” Matt said.

“Lets get started.” Lionel said. A knock at the door stopped them both.

“I'm sorry Matt. Let me get this.” Fusco said. Lionel walked outside and saw John standing by the door.

“This better be good Riley, I got a kid in here with a sexual assault claim.”

“I know” John said.

“What are you talking about?” Lionel asked.

“You remember I told you Finch bugged Lauras office and got video footage of her making out with some kid. He was the kid.” John told Lionel. Lionel closed his eyes and wondered how much more of his life Laura was gonna infiltrate. Lionel then wondered how much of his story and matts story were going to be the same.

“Thanks John.” Lionel said as he walked back into the interrogation room.

“Hey Matt, if it is all right with you can my partner sit in with us. His name is Detective John Riley.”

Matt looked at Lionel and John and said “I don't mind.” Lionel and John sat down and quiet descended on the room. Matt tried to begin.

“I.....I can't do this. I don't know how to live with this. It happened one month ago, I was seventeen at the time. I know that part is important.”

“Matt I want you to tell us exactly what happened to you.” Lionel said.

“I was with my girlfriend and we went to a motel. When we walked into the room there were two guys there I did not know. She said this was the last part of my therapy and after this I would be cured of being gay. She is my girlfriend and my therapist. John broke the pencil that he had in his hand. He was beyond angry, he was enraged.

“I asked her what she meant and she wouldn't answer me. She told me to get on the bed and I did. They guys got on with me and started touching me. I told them to stop, they wouldn't. I said no, but they held me down and raped me.” Matt was crying at this point.

“I turned to Laura and asked her to help me, she just looked at me and smiled.” Matt said angry. Lionel thought he was gonna throw up.

“Matt is Laura your girlfriend.” John asked.

“My therapist and my girlfriend. She was suppose to be curing me of being gay.”

“Excuse me” Lionel said. He then walked outside and threw up in the nearest garbage can. John walked outside to check on Lionel. John put one hand on Lionels shoulder and offered him a handkerchief. Lionel did not say anything for a moment.

“Some people would say this is my fault.” Lionel finally said.

“Some people are assholes who are wrong.” John said.

“That kid in there is so much braver than I am. He is not afraid to stand up for himself.” Lionel took a deep breath and tried to get himself together. Matt walked out of the interrogation room looking for John and Lionel.

“This was a mistake. I should not have done this. She said if I told anyone they would be disgusted with me. She said it and you are. You threw up because of me.” Matt was crying. The one feeling from that time of his life that Lionel remembered was overwhelming guilt for everything. Lionel felt like everything was his fault. Matt apparently felt the same way.

“Son, my being sick had absolutely nothing to do with you.” Lionel said.

“Your lying.” Matt said still crying. Lionel turned to John.

“Partner, will you please go get me that book on your desk.” Johns eyes went wide.

“Lionel are you sure?” John asked.

“Yea I am.” Lionel said. Lionel put his hand on Matts shoulder and smiled at him.

“It is time Matt realizes he is not as alone as he thinks he is.”

Lionel told John he wanted to be alone with Matt. Lionel took the book from John, winked at him, and walked into the interrogation room. Lionel disconnected the camera and handed Matt a handkerchief to dry his eyes. Lionel slowly pushed the book in front of Matt.

Matt looked at Lionel and said “What's this?”

“One of your therapist's books. Read the bookmarked case.” Lionel said. Matt read carefully and then did a double take when he saw the picture of a younger Lionel.

“I went outside earlier because I was ashamed of myself. If I had come forwarded when I was younger you might have been spared from all of this. I was not as strong as you are so I kept my mouth shut and said nothing. What happened to you was my fault.” Lionel could not look Matt in the eye.

“I'm not strong.” Matt said.

“Are you kidding me. It took a lot of strength and guts to come down here. You are going against your parents and your therapist's. You are so much stronger than I am.” Matt looked at Lionel and for the first time that afternoon smiled.

  


CHAPTER 27

Matts complaint was taken to the DA's office. They were waiting now to see if the DA's office would prosecute. Lionel had stayed in touch with Matt. Matt had chosen to not tell his parents about filing charges. Lionel had spent the last week very stressed out. He had decided to get away for a few hours and do Harold a favor.

Lionel walked into the safe house carrying groceries, books, clothes, medicines and two letter from Harold and John. Lionel walked to the back room.

“Hello Detective.” Carl Elias said from the hospital bed.

“Hello Carl” Lionel said as he sat down in the chair next to the bed. Lionel began to sort out the meds and books and clothes.

“I thought Harold was coming today?” Elias asked.

Lionel handed Carl the two letters and said “ Harold could not make it, he sends his apologies.” Carl began to read his letters. Ever since Lionel had saved Carl from death, the two had become friends. Lionel was the one who brought Carl to the safe house.

“I got your food, books, and all of your medicines. The doctor and Harold will be here in two days to check on you.” Lionel said. Carl finished reading his letters and looked at Lionel.

“Lets talk detective, I am desperate for some person to person conversation. Lionel looked at him and smiled. Carl saw the bags under Lionels eyes.

“How are you feeling? Doc says you are getting better every day. You will be out of here in no time.” Lionel said.

Carl looked down and said “I can get out of here and go where? I have no home, no business, and no Anthony anymore.” Carl looked down at his hands. Lionel finally caught on to something that Elias had said.

“Did you just say you had no Anthony to go back to. You and scarface were a couple?” Lionel asked. Lionel tried to ask the question delicately, but apparently failed.

Carl angrily said “Yes detective we were. Is that a problem for you?”

“Not at all. Its just that ummmmm.....” Lionel looked down and his ears turned red. He had no idea how to ask his question and still be respectful. Carl looked at Lionel and saw his ears blushing. It was then that Carl realized Lionel was not homophobic. He was curious.

Carl smiled and said “Is there something you want to ask me detective?” Lionel had so many questions he did not feel comfortable asking John about yet.

“How long were you guys together? If you don't mind talking to me about him.” Lionel asked.

“Detective you saved my life. I don't mind talking about Anthony with you.” Carl said. Carl smiled a small smile.

“Anthony and I meet at a boys home we were both sent to. I was sent there for robbery. Anthony was there for murdering his father. I was 15, he was 12.”

“Were you guys together back then?” Lionel asked.

Carl got angry and said “Of course not, We were just children. I am gay detective, not a pervert.” Lionel immediately felt bad.

“I am sorry Carl. I did not mean that the way it sounded. I just wasn’t thinking.” Carl smiled at Lionel. Elias believed him.

“When did you know you were gay?” Lionel finally asked.

“When I was 13, an older boy taught me about sex. As he talked I realized the thought of kissing a girl did nothing for me. I realized I really wanted to kiss the boy explaining sex to me.” Elias smiled at the memory

“Detective may I ask you why the question?” Elias asked.

Lionel took a deep breath and said “I have recently come to realize that I am gay. I am still trying to figure out stuff. Stuff like how I feel, how others feel about me being gay. I have a lot of things to figure out.”

“You did not think you might be gay when you were younger?” Elias asked.

“When I was younger all that mattered was what my parents wanted. When they first suspected I might be gay, they sent me to a shrink to be cured.”

Elias smirked at Lionel and said “What made you decide to revisit the issue now. Did you meet someone special?” Lionels ears turned red again and Carl laughed.

“You are very cute when your ears turn red. Is it anyone I know?” Carl asked.

“You know him.” Lionel said.

Carl stared at him a moment and said “Harold?” Lionel shook his head.

“John? no way?” Carl said surprised.

“You know Elias you could sound a little less incredulous.” Lionel said annoyed.

Carl laughed and said “I'm sorry detective.”

“I understand. I am damaged goods and he is a sex god.” Lionel said.

“Damaged goods seems harsh to me Lionel. I am sure John does not feel that way.” Carl said.

“He doesn't. He tells me all the time he can wait and be patient. I feel like he shouldn't have too.” Lionel said. Carl simply looked at Lionel.

“What happened to you?” Carl asked.

Lionel took a deep breath and said “Long story short, my parents tried to cure me of being gay so they sent me to a therapist. She watched me get raped by two men in her employ.” Elias did not know what to say to that. That was pretty fucked up even for him.

“Ever since that night, I have hated myself and the fact that I am gay.” Lionel said.

“That's a long time to hate yourself detective.” Carl said.

“I hate myself more when I can't give John what I know he wants.” Lionel said.

“You mean sex? Sex is not everything detective.” Elias said.

“I am going to tell you a secret detective. In my life I have only been with two men. One was Anthony, the other was the man I told you about, who introduced me to sex at 13. For some reason you have it in your head that sex is all that matters in a gay relationship. I stayed with Anthony because I loved him dearly.” Lionel was shocked by what Elias said.

“You really miss Anthony don't you?” Lionel said. Carl looked away with tears in his eyes.

“I miss him with every breath I take.” Carl said.

“You are lucky detective you still have a life left to live. Answer me this question. Do you love John?”

Lionels ears turned red and he said “Very much.”

“The love should be all that matters. Not the sex. You are not a bad guy detective. Stop letting other people tell you that you are.” Carl said. Lionel looked away.

“Lionel look at me.” Carl said. Lionel looked up at him.

“You deserve to be happy. Go out there, stick up for yourself and be happy.” Lionel smiled at Carl and stuck his hand out to shake.

“I will” Lionel said.

“If you and John don’t work out, give me a call.” Elias said. Lionels ears turned red.

  


  


Lionel took the rest of the day off. He thought a lot about what Elias had told him. That night he meet up with John at the loft. Lionel wanted to be happy and he wanted to be happy with John. Lionel finally realized he was just tired. He was tired of being who everyone else thought he should be. It was tiring to not be yourself. That night Lionel made some decisions. He was not going to hide who he was anymore. He was not going to hide the fact that he loved another man. Lionel was done hating himself.

That night Lionel and John were at the loft. John kept staring at Lionel.

Lionel finally noticed, turned to John and said “What?”

John smiled at him and said “You seem different.”

“Different good or different bad?” Lionel asked.

“Different good. You seem happier. What happened to you today?” John said “Did Harold tell you I meet with Elias for him today?” Lionel asked. John stopped what he was doing.

“Yea he did. He said he asked you to go because he was caught up with something else. What did you and Elias talk about?” John asked. John was not happy Harold sent Lionel to meet with Elias. Even thought Carl Elias was believed dead, he still did not want Lionel around him.

“Did you know Elias and his Lt. Were a couple?” Lionel said.

“Scarface? No I didn't. I knew they were close, but not that close. How in the hell did you two end up talking about Elias past relationships.” John asked. It took Lionel a few minutes to realize John was upset. He smirked when he realized John was jealous.

“Relax wonder-boy, it started with a mumble confession Elias did not realize he was making. We started talking about being gay, and relationships and stuff.” This made John look at Lionel surprised.

“You told Elias you were gay? You came out to Elias?” John said not able to hide the surprise in his face. Lionel was worried at first that John was mad, but then he decided not to worry about it. This was his story and he got to live it, in the way that was best for him.

“Yes I did. He told me some things that got me thinking.” Lionel said.

“What things?” John said. Lionel pulled John down on the couch with him and simple held his hand.

“He made me realize I don't want to hate myself anymore. I think I put so much emphasis on sex.....” Lionel stopped there and took a deep breath.

“I think I put so much emphasis on sex, because I think that’s all I am good for. Just sex.”

“Oh Lionel” John said.

“I don't want to feel that way anymore John. I am gay” Lionel said. John laughed.

“What's so funny Riley?” Lionel said angry.

“I am sorry Lionel. You are the only person I know who would come out to a mob boss, and then come out to your boyfriend.” John laughed harder. When Lionel looked at it that way, it was funny.

“I am gonna tell my kid and my ex about this. The big question is are you ready to meet them.” Lionel said. Lionel could not bring himself to look John in the face. Johns eyes went wide and it took him a moment before he could talk.

“You want me to meet your son?” John said.

“Yes, but only if you are ready too. Just because I am ready to come out of the closet does not mean you are.” Lionel said. John was in awe.

“It would be my honor to meet your family.” John said. Lionels whole face lit up in happiness and it took John breath away to see it.

“What else did you and Elias talk about. It sounds like he made a big impression on you.”

“I hope you don't get mad, but I told him about us. He was telling me such personal stuff about him and Anthony, it just kind of came out. He guessed a lot of it.” Lionel said. John smirked at Lionel.

“I would have loved to see the look on his face when you told him. I am not mad. I would have been mad if he flirted with you.” John said laughing to himself. John realized Lionel was being quiet. He looked over and saw Lionel looking away.

“Lionel, Elias did not flirt with you during this conversation did he?” John asked.

“Not in so many words.” Lionel said.

“What words did he use exactly?” John asked in a low voice.

“He said if you and I ever broke up, I should give him a call.” Lionel said.

John grabbed his phone and his gun headed to the door and said “I will give him a call right now.” Lionel stepped in front of the door and put his arms around Johns waist.

“Don’t be like that wonder-boy, don't be jealous.” Lionel said.

“I am not jealous.” John said. Lionel pulled John over to the couch and then sat down close to him.

“There is one thing I know about you that is more important than anything Elias could ever say to me.” Lionel said.

“What is that?” John asked.

“Where your ticklish spots are.” Lionel said diving for John ribs. John let out a surprised laugh as Lionel got his ticklish spot on the first try. John screamed like a girl and tried to push Lionel off him.

“Get off me you freak.” John screamed at Lionel.

“I know your ticklish spots too you alien goofball.” John said. John went for Lionels neck. The two dissolved into laughter like two little boys.

  


CHAPTER 29

“Dad” Lee Fusco said as he gave his father a hug.

The two embraced and Lionel said “Hey son, how is it going?”

“I'm good. Getting ready for my tournament” Lee said. Lee was going to a hockey tournament for the weekend.

“You play hard this weekend pal. When you get back we need to talk.” Lee was immediately apprehensive.

“Is everything all right?” Lee asked. The old pain hit Lionel in his chest. Every time Lionel talked to Lee's mom Lee worried something was wrong. Lee had spent too much time listening to his parents argue. Debbie Fusco walked down the steps to say goodbye to her son.

“You ready baby? Oh hey Lionel what are you doing here?” Debbie asked.

“I came to say goodbye to Lee and talk to you.” Lionel said. The two parents said their goodbyes to Lee and then sat in the living room with a cup of coffee. Debbie Fusco was a woman in her forties whose entire life revolved around her son. She was an overweight woman with graying hair. After several hard years Lionel and Debbie now had a calm relationship.

“To what do I owe the pleasure Lionel.” Debbie asked. Lionel looked at his ex and took a deep breath. He owed this woman so much.

“Debs, over the last six months some things in my life have changed. I want you to be the first to know about them” Lionel said. Debbie was very interested. Lionel seemed so serious. Lionel stood up and just stared at Debbie with tears in his eyes.

“Debs, I hope you know that I have always loved you. I am sorry that when we were younger I did not know enough about myself to know I loved you like a friend. All those years you tried so hard to make it work with me. I wish I had been honest with you from the beginning.” Debbie looked at Lionel concerned.

“Fuzzy what is this all about?” She asked. Lionel laughed through his tears. He loved it when she called him that nickname. No one else could call him that but her.

“I don't regret anything. I don't regret marrying you, kissing you, having Lee, you being my first. Debbie you know you are the only woman I have ever been with.”

Debbie laughed at him and said “You are such a liar Lionel.”

“No I'm not.” Lionel said staring at her. Debbie stopped laughing when she realized Lionel was serious. Debbie was thunderstruck.

“Debbie I am gay.” Lionel finally said. To Lionel it seemed like all life in the room stopped. Lionel waited on her reaction. He was not prepared for her to walk over to him and hug him. Lionel could not breath or move for a moment.

Debbie whispered in his ear “Lionel come sit down with me.” The two sat back down on the couch. Debbie took Lionels hands in hers.

“I am so proud of you Lionel. I am proud of you for being honest with me and yourself. I am not terrible surprised. I think I may have already suspected..”

Lionel looked down and said “I am sorry Debs. Why didn't you say something to me about this?”

“Would you have listened to me? What wife wants to ask her husband if he is gay. I remember your father Lionel. I meet him a few times and that was enough.” Debbie said.

“Did your father know?” Debbie asked. Lionel nodded.

“He started all of this. He sent me to that stupid shrink.” Lionel said viciously. Lionel ran his hands through his hair.

“I wanna tell Lee about all of this when he gets home. I want you and Lee to meet John.” Lionel said. Debbie smiled at Lionel.

“I can't wait to meet him.” Debbie said. She hugged Lionel tightly. Lionel hugged her back and whispered in her ear

“Thank you for being my friend.”

  


CHAPTER 30

Lionel left Debbie and immediately went to the precinct to meet Matt and John. The DA's office had reached a decision on Matt's case.

“Hey partner, how did it go this morning?” John asked.

“It went good. Turns out she had her suspicions all these years. She wants to meet you.” John looked a little nervous.

“John can we talk in private before Matt gets here?” Lionel asked.

“Sure” John said. The two walked into an empty interrogation room.

“John there is something I have been meaning to talk to you about and it concerns Matts case.

“What is it?” John asked. Lionel did not say anything for a few minutes. John was getting nervous.

“I want to tell the DA my story. I am hoping if they realize this woman has a history it will encourage them to prosecute.”

“Lionel you know the statute of limitations has run out on your case. They can't prosecute her for it.” John said.

“I know that. I just want them to know she does have a history of sexual abuse of her clients. Its the only way I know of to give Matt some support. Maybe this is a step in at least getting her license pulled.” Lionel said.

“Why do you want to do this Lionel?” John asked. Lionel took a deep breath.

“In one word guilt. I know I have no reason to feel guilty, but I do. I feel like I let this happen to Matt because I did not come forward when I was younger. I feel like I need to get something back that she took from me. I don't know how better to explain it.” Lionel went and locked the interrogation room door. He went and stood in between John legs and put his hands on his shoulders. John put his arms around Lionels waist.

“You are right you have no reason to feel guilty. You did the best you could when you were younger, I do understand your feelings. I am behind you in this.” John said.

“From now on no matter what, you are a part of every decision I make. Thank you for having my back.” Lionel said as he kissed John on the forehead. John smiled and could not help the sappy thoughts going through his mind.

“I will always have your back Fusco.” John said.

  


CHAPTER 31

Lionel and John meet Matt at the precinct and the three walked over to the DA's office. Matt was shocked when Lionel told him what he was going to do. It was all worth it to Lionel when he saw the smile on Matts face. The DA's office said they would have a final decision within 72 hours.

It was two nights later and John and Lionel were relaxing at the loft. John was worried. John worried about the reaction at work when word got around about Lionels past. Johns mind raced while he had his head in Lionels lap. John enjoyed the feeling of Lionels fingers running through his hair.

“Why are you so quiet tonight?” Lionel asked.

“I am just thinking about work. What will be the reaction when people find out about you and Laura. Cops can be some pretty mean mother fuckers.” John said.

Lionel laughed and said “I think they are to afraid of you kneecapping them to say anything to my face.”

“Work I can handle. I am more worried about Lee's reaction or Debbie’s. I wonder what Harolds gonna say. I am more worried about those reactions.” Lionel said. John stared intently at the ground. John had not yet told Lionel that when he listened in on his and Lauras session, that Root and Harold were with him.

“What do you know Riley? Stop staring at the couch like its a pair of tits.” Lionel said.

John sat up and said “Remember when I sent you that text of how proud I was of you after your session with Laura. I never told you that I was not exactly alone when I ease dropped.” Lionel got angry and got off of the couch.

“Dammit John.” Lionel said. Lionel went and changed the record player. CCR was the music of the hour. Lionel sat down at his piano.

“What did they say?” Lionel asked as he played.

“Harold was so mad that he cussed. Root started cleaning her guns. They were mostly angry that you were hurt that way.” John said.

“Did they think I was damaged goods now?” Lionel asked. John heard the shame in Lionels voice. John sat on the piano bench with Lionel.

“Absolutely not.” John whispered to Lionel.

“None of this was ever your fault. Root and Harold know this. They hope one day you will know it too.” John leaned over and kissed Lionels forehead. Lionel smiled.

  


CHAPTER 32

The next day Lionel was told the DA's office would prosecute Mat’s case. They decided to prosecute because Matt had looked at Laura and asked for help, and she walked away. They would use Lionel to show she had a history of this behavior. They were picking Laura up that evening. The DA's office was gonna try to keep Lionels name a secret as long as they could. Lionel knew that would not last long. That night the two were at Lionels apartment for a change. John was worried about Lionel. Lionel had been nervous and tense all day long. John thought maybe Lionel being surrounded by all of his own possessions would help relax him. John was cleaning up after dinner while Lionel watched T.V.

“You know you don't have to clean up my kitchen Reese.” Lionel said to him.

“I told you I don't mind Fusco, now shut up and start relaxing.” John said.

Lionel blew him a kiss and said “I love it when you talk dirty.” A knock on the door got both of their attentions.

“Hey Riley, Is it all right if I answer my front door?”

“Fuck you Fusco” John said.

Lionel answered the door and went “Oh Shit!”

“Nice to see you again too Lionel.” Debbie Fusco said. Lionel immediately was sorry.

“I am sorry Debs. What are you doing here?” Lionel said.

“Is this a bad time?” Debbie asked.

Lionel looked at John and said “No, its cool. Come on in and meet John.” Debbie stopped.

“Johns here now?” Debbie asked.

“Of course he is here now, it is a Friday night, where else would he be.” Debbie whispered to herself.

Debbie took a deep breath and whispered to herself “Get a grip Debs.” Debbie was not ashamed to admit to herself that she was a little nervous about meeting John. She was ashamed to admit it to Lionel. Lionel suddenly realized she was nervous about meeting John. He already knew John was nervous about meeting her. Lionel thought it was time to get the show on the road.

“Debbie relax, come and sit in the living room.” Lionel said. Debbie walked into the living room. She stopped and openly stared at John when he walked out of the kitchen. John froze as well. The two simply stared at each other. Lionel smiled at the two.

“Debbie, this is John Riley, my partner from work. John this is my ex-wife Debbie Fusco.”

John shook Debbie’s hand and said “Nice to meet you Debbie.”

Debbie stared at John and said “This is your boyfriend Lionel?”

“Don't sound so surprised Debbie. You are hurting my feelings.” Lionel said sarcastically.

“I did not mean it like that.” Debbie said laughing.

“Yes you did. Mr tall, dark, and sexy is my boyfriend and I am winnie the pooh compared to him. Try not to compliment him to much, it all goes to his head.” Lionel said. Debbie and John each laughed. The tension was broken. They all three sat down in the living room.

“Would you like a soda Debs?' Lionel asked.

“Root beer would be great.” Debbie said.

John smiled and said “So you are the one who turned him on tho Root beer.” Lionel returned with the Root beer for Debbie.

“Thanks Fuzzy. I stopped by tonight to let you know Lee would be out of town for a little longer. His team made the finals of the tournament.”

“That's great. I expected nothing less.” Lionel said as a proud father.

“I could not help but overhear, but you two have some interesting nicknames for each other, Debs and Fuzzy?” John said. Debbie got a huge smile on her face. Lionel looked like he wanted to be buried in the earth.

“I knew this was gonna come up as soon as you and Debbie meet, so lets go ahead and get it over with.” Lionel said.

Debbie smiled and said “It was our homecoming dance. Lionel and I were both very excited. I decided to buy a new dress and Lionel decided to get the latest craze in hair styles, a perm.” Debbie was trying and failing not to laugh. She then pulled a photo out of her purse.

“You brought the picture!” Lionel yelled.

“Its a total coincidence.” Debbie said. Debbie handed the photo to John. John burst into full blown laughter. It was a photo of Lionel and Debbie at a dance. Debbie had on a blue dress. Lionel had on a tuxedo and an afro haircut that was 5 ft tall. His naturally curly hair was curled and standing straight up.

Lionel stared at Debbie and said “You brought that picture over on purpose didn't you?”

“You mean did I put this photo in my bag hoping I would be able to pull it out and show it to your current love interest and watch him laugh his ass off at you. Of course I didn't.” Debbie said smiling. John was laughing so hard he had tears coming out of his eyes.

Lionel looked at John and said “Watch it buddy. You have some embarrassing stuff out there somewhere. I know a genius hacker who owes me one.” Debbie smiled at both men. She liked John immediately.

 

Later that night both men were laying in bed together listening to Carlos Santana. They were side by side in bed holding hands.

“What do you think of Debbie?” Lionel asked.

John smiled and said “I think she is great. You two seem to have such a good relationship now, it is hard to believe you two have not always gotten along.”

“We haven't. That woman put up with a lot from me in the day. When I was drinking I was not very nice to her. I called her every name in the book for only trying to protect her son.” Lionel said.

John looked at Lionel and said “You are not that same man Fusco. She knows that. She sure is handling this gay thing well.”

“She said when we were younger, she thought I might be gay and just not admitting it. She knew my father and said she could not blame me. A part of her knows me better than I know myself.” Lionel said. John looked at Lionel and frowned. He did not like the stab of jealousy he just felt. First it was Elias and now Lionels ex, this was not cool. John put his face right in front of Lionels.

“Enough serious talk Fusco. I feel like having a nice, long, slow make out session.”

Lionel smiled and said “That is the best idea you have had all night.”

  


CHAPTER 33

Later that week at work, Lionel had to deal with the first backlash of Matts case. John was gone that afternoon helping Finch. Lionel was doing paperwork at his desk. Lionel knew something was up. He had been getting a strange vibe from everyone all day. Lionel had a feeling it had to do with Matts case. Lionel saw the man approach him out of the corner of his eye. Detective Jack Stevens slowly made his way over to Lionel with a paper in his hand. Stevens was a pot-bellied cop about to retire at the end of the year. Stevens and Simmons use to be best friends. Stevens blamed Lionel for Simmons death.

“Hey Fusco. How's it going?” Stevens asked.

“Its fine Jack thanks for asking. How is your life?” Lionel asked. Stevens ignored him.

“You know I have a friend who just happens to work in the DA's office. She told me some pretty interesting news about our department shrink and you.” Lionels heart beat speed up.

“You know the shrink who was recently arrested for sexual assault on a minor. My friend said you gave a statement and you said she assaulted you 20 years ago. You were one of her first patients and her first fucks.” Stevens was laughing his ass off. Lionels pen broke in his hand.

“What's wrong Fusco? Don't know how to satisfy a real woman. Don't tell me you are one of those poor fucks who don't know if they are gay or straight. Did the poor woman rape you Lionel.” Stevens said mockingly. An eerie calm came over Lionel. He was perfectly still. Lionel also did not want to do anything to fuck up Matt's case in court. Lionel slowly stood up. He put his hands in his pockets and looked Stevens directly in the eye.

“Some of what you said is true. I am a part of that case that you just mentioned, I cant talk about it right now because it is an ongoing investigation.”

Lionel got nose to nose with Stevens and in a low deadly voice John would have been proud of said “No, she did not rape me. She just watched two men hold me down and smiled while they did it. Weather I am gay or straight is none of your fucking business. I think I have answered all the questions I am gonna. Are we done here Stevens?” Lionel was utterly calm, not moving a muscle as he stared Stevens down.

Stevens gulped and said “Yea, we are done.”

“Good, now if you will excuse me I have paperwork to get back to. Please get the fuck away from my desk.” Stevens slowly backed away from Lionel. Lionel sat back down at his desk and took a deep breath. He had done it. Lionel looked up to see a detective he did not know standing in front of him.

“What do you want?” Lionel said angrily.

“I just overheard your conversation. My name is Scott Martinez. I just transferred in from Robbery. I am just letting you know if you ever need a hand for anything, I got your back.” Martinez stuck his hand out for Lionel to shake. Lionel simple stared for a moment and then shook his hand.

“Thanks Man.” Lionel said.

  


CHAPTER 34

That night Lionel was at his apartment. John was on a stakeout with a new number. The encounter with Stevens was still on Lionels mind. Lionel heard a knock on his door. Lionel opened the door to find Debbie there holding a newspaper.

“Hey Debs, come on in.” Lionel said. Debbie walked in and just stood there for a moment.

“You can sit down. What brings you by?” Lionel asked.

“Thanks Lionel, Is John here tonight?” Debbie asked.

“No, he had to work a stakeout tonight.” Lionel said curious as to what Debbie wanted without John around.

“Is this about John?” Lionel asked.

“No, I just think this conversation would be better if it were just the two of us.” Debbie said. Lionel was worried now. What if she changed her mind about Letting Lionel tell Lee about John. The two sat down together on the sofa.

“What's up Debs?” Lionel asked.

“I was reading the paper today and the top story was the arrest of a therapist for your precinct, Laura Summers.” Debbie said. The papers were having a field day with the story.

“The name sounded familiar to me, Laura Summers. It took me a while to remember, but you told me her name. She was your therapist, you saw her before we meet. It says here that an informant has made allegations against her that go back 20 years. Lionel are you the informant. Did this woman hurt you like she did that boy?” Lionel looked away, hated seeing the tears in Debbie's eyes or the catch in her voice.

“Yes, she did the same to me when I was her patient. They took my statement as proof that she is a sexual predator with a history of this type of behavior.” Debbie put her head in her hands as a wave of guilt overwhelmed her.

“I am sorry I did not tell you about this sooner. I honestly have not had time, and I was not sure the case was gonna go forward.” Lionel said.

“Why in the world are you apologizing to me?” Debbie said.

“Ever since you told me about being gay I have been thinking about a lot of things involving our marriage. When I said I thought you were gay when we were first married, that was not the whole truth. You seemed more afraid of sex, than wanting to have it with any man. You never looked at men that way and you seemed afraid of everyone except Stills, and he was a moron.” Debbie started laughing.

“Sometimes I thought you might be asexual. Is this why you drank?” Debbie asked Lionel.

“I drank because I was an asshole who could not deal with his problems. I am sorry I did not just tell you about all of this. It might have made things a lot easier.”

“You should be angry at me Lionel.” Debbie said.

“What the hell for?” Lionel asked.

“How many times did I blame our problems on you. How many times did I keep you away from Lee. How many times did I say it was all your fault. I blamed you for what you did, but I never asked why you were doing it.” Lionel grabbed Debbie and made her look at him.

“Debbie stop that. You did not know about any of this. I should have just told you.” Lionel said.

“I should have asked you Lionel. I should have given you a chance.” Debbie said crying. Lionel gathered her in his arms and held her.

“Its not your fault. You were a good wife to me. I am sorry for everything.” Lionel hugged Debbie tighter. That was when John walked into the apartment.

 

The next day at work, Lionels troubles continued. He was about to leave and meet John when Matt showed up. Lionel saw him and immediately walked over to him. Matt was crying.

“Matt? What's wrong son.” Lionel asked. Matt was crying. Lionel went to put his hand on Matts shoulder, but Matt stepped back. Lionel kept his distance.

“My parents and I got into a huge fight. They say I am disgracing them by being gay. They kicked me out. They say the only way I can come home is if I drop the charges. They said it was my fault anyway and I should stop whining.” Lionel was furious. These people sounded a lot like his parents were. Lionels heart went out to Matt when he started wiping his eyes with a fist the way a child would.

“Matt first off do you want to drop the charges? It's not about what your parents or anyone else wants. What do you want?” Lionel asked him.

“I have had people come up to me and say how much they admire what I did. I realize now the haters don't matter as much as I thought they did.”

“I understand, I have run across a few haters of my own in the last few weeks.” Lionel said. Matt looked at him confused.

“My name was leaked from the D.A.s office about my involvement in your case. Cops are pretty hateful at times.” Lionel said. Matt was horrified.

“I am so sorry Lionel.” Matt said.

“It is not your fault Matt. I knew my name would get leaked sooner or later when I gave my statement.”

“Then why did you even give a statement if you knew it was going to be leaked?” Matt asked.

“You inspired me to be as brave as you are.” Lionel said.

Matt smiled and said “I don't want to drop the case.”

“Grab your coat, I got a place where you can stay.” Lionel said.

 

CHAPTER 35

Lionel took Matt to the loft. Matts eyes went three sizes big when he saw the musical instruments. Lionel settled Matt in and left to meet John at his apt.

“Are you sure he was all right?” John asked.

“Yea he was fine. He was playing with my piano when I left.” Lionel said.

“You let him play your piano?!? You wont let me play your piano.” John said.

“Well you have musical cooties. I think Matt may have some musical ability.” Lionel said. John smirked at Lionel as he fixed there Chinese food They both sat on the sofa and watched a hockey game.

“Debbie came by last night.” Lionel said.

“Why?” John asked.

“She read about Matts case in the paper and recognized Lauras name from when we were younger. She put two and two together and figured out I was the informant.”

“Smart lady that Debbie. What all did she say?” John asked.

“She blamed herself if you can believe that. She felt bad for always blaming the problems in our marriage on me. She said she wished she would have asked Why. Why was I acting the way I was.” Lionel could not look at John.

“What did you say?” John asked.

“I think I was just an alcoholic asshole most of the time. I could have avoided a lot of our problems by just telling her the truth. I made it harder than it should have been. I was just an ass.” Lionel said.

“You are not an ass even though you do have a nice one.” John said.

“You and Debbie seem to have a very good relationship.” John said not looking at Lionel. Lionel looked at John, slightly surprised. That statement seemed totally out of place.

“What?” Lionel said

“You heard me, you and Debbie seem to be close.” John said.

“In the past few years things have gotten better between us. Since I stopped drinking. Since I came out to her, I think we have gotten a little closer.” Lionel said.

“You guys have a lot of history, your each others first love, bring back any old feelings.” John asked while staring intently at the game. Lionels mouth fell open when he finally realized what was happening.

“Are you jealous?” Lionel asked.

“Of course not. That is just stupid Lionel. Why would I be jealous?” John said, but his voice lacked certainty. Lionel looked at John and smirked.

“I get jealous over you too you know.” Lionel said.

“Of who?” John asked.

Lionel did not say anything for a moment and then he said “Harold.” John was shocked.

“Harold?!? Harold and I are just friends Lionel. There has never been anything between us.” John said.

“I know. He is your partner and best friend. You guys work so well together and your friendship seems so easy.” Lionel said.

John laughed and said “He said the same thing about my and your relationship one time. We are both so pathetic.”

Lionel grabbed Johns hand kissed his knuckles and said “No, we are both just use to loosing the things we love the most.” John frowned and thought of Jessica.

“Lionel, I know my jealous with Debbie may seem irrational, but I have never had a real relationship before. I spent so much time in the dark alone, that walking in the sunlight with you is terrifying. I hope you can bare with me.” Lionel simply stared at John. He then pulled John into a deep kiss. John was taken by surprise but only for a moment. He grabbed Lionel by the waist and pulled him into his lap. Lionel straddled Johns lap as he ran his hands up and under Johns shirt. Lionel was feeling bold tonight. Lionel took Johns shirt off. Lionel took Johns arms and stretched them out along the back of the couch.

“Stay” Lionel said with a smile. John smiled back at him. Lionel leaned down and began to kiss Johns chest. Lionel licked Johns nipples as John moaned. John could not help it, he pulled Lionel closer for a kiss. John ran his hands through Lionels hair and over his shoulders.

“I feel funny.” Lionel said. John stopped running his finger in and out of Lionels belly button.

“Funny how?” John asked. Lionel slid off Johns lap and sat down beside him.

“I don't fell scared. What I mean is before when you and I were close like this, I would feel terrified. Just knowing we might have sex, I could not deal with it. I am not scared right now.” John was not surprised by what Lionel said. John had felt the changes in Lionel. Lionel was relaxed, confident, smiled more, and hated himself less. Lionel looked at John and smiled. He then slid off the couch and kneeled in front of John. Johns mouth fell open when Lionel pulled his penis out. John had still not spoken. Lionel licked John from the base to the tip. John moaned.

“Don't tell me the super spy has gone speechless.” Lionel said smiling. Lionels smile gave way to a look of intense concentration. Lionel closed his mouth over the top of Johns cock and sucked. John leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He moaned Lionels name. Lionel slowly massaged Johns balls. Lionel licked and sucked for what seemed like forever.

“Great lollipop.” Lionel said snickering. Lionel blew on John penis and then went back to sucking. John closed his eyes tight as Lionel went down on him as far as he could and sucked. John moaned and grabbed Lionels shoulders. Lionel bobbed his head and tried to remember to do everything he liked when he got a blow job. Lionel sucked on Johns tip as strongly as he could. Lionel bobbed and jerked John off until John shot off in Lionels mouth. Lionel swallowed down without even realizing it.

“Fuck Lionel” John said. Lionel looked at John with a goofy grin on his face.

“How was I?” Lionel asked.

John laughed at him and said “Babe you were fantastic.” John then took his shirt off and joined Lionel on the floor. The two kissed for several minutes and then John moved them both to bed. Lionel ran his hands down Johns back and grabbed his butt. John grind against Lionel and kissed him hard.

“What the hell has gotten into you Lionel?” John said into Lionels neck.

Lionel smiled and said “No fear, and it feels great.” John undressed himself and Lionel completely. John had to make sure he kept himself in check. This was farther than he and Lionel had ever gone before. He wanted this experience to be great for Lionel. The two spent the next ten minutes just kissing and touching. John was on top of Lionel grinding his penis into him and kissing any place he could reach. Lionel lifted up to meet him as the two developed a rhythm. The two moaned as their hard members slid against each other. Sweat began to cover both of their bodies. John put his forehead to Lionels and continued to move. Lionel wrapped his arms around Johns waist and pulled him in closer to him.

“Are you all right?” John asked. Lionel nodded. Lionel looked at John with hero worship in his eyes. John suddenly stopped, moved down Lionels body and took his member in his mouth. Lionel moaned and Johns whole mouth enclosed him. Lionel felt like his whole body was on fire. John sucked one good time and Lionel was done. He came in Johns mouth. John began to kiss Lionels stomach and stroke himself. In three strokes John came all over Lionels stomach. Lionel laughed when John began to Lick the cum off. Lionel said it tickled. John buried his face in Lionels neck and Lionel put his arms a round John.

“So that is what I have been missing all these years.” Lionel said.

John laughed and said “Pretty great huh.” John rolled over on his back and pulled Lionel with him. Lionel had his head resting on Johns chest. The two were quiet for some time.

Lionel finally said “Thank you John, for making me not hate my self anymore. Thank you for making me feel like I deserve love again.”

John wiped a tear from his eye and said “Your welcome Lionel. I love you baby.”

They both soon fell asleep.

  


 

 

 


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